1977.9.10
For the last month I have been leading half of Tony's team. It certainly is not as easy as fundraising. I try to take care of my members as best I can, I even try to fundraise as much as I can, but I am under almost constant accusation because I am responsible for everyone, and they don't usually do so well.
Right at this time we are in Dallas, but our area is still West Texas. We thought we would let it cool off a little bit, since we just did it for competition. We are in another competition, back to back with the first one.
A new system has been devised. All the members are numbered according to their average. The top quarter is the A Team, the second quarter is the B Team, which is Tony's, and so on. The best with the best and the worst with the worst. The A Team is really crushing away in South Texas.
Nancy Breyfogle, Richard Panzer and Tim Folzenlogen are off to seminary. In Nancy's place as secretary is a sister from Oakland named Virginia Mabry. Recently she and I developed some disunity problem. Among other things, it seems she didn't like my driving, and I get the feeling she might have multiplied negative feelings among some of the sisters. Anyway, last night Commander yelled at me for driving too fast. I wanted to protest but he told me not to and just be humble.
Earlier in the day I had called Virginia for any messages and I sort of mentioned that one of her comments to Tony about our team result had really hurt Tony and she got all upset. I don't know what she said, but I got yelled at for that too and was told I had to apologize to her, which I did, but still I am feeling somewhat falsely accused, or maybe unreasonably accused. I must overcome and see this situation from God's point of view. It's hard to admit you're wrong when you really don't see that you're wrong.
I am sure it is just my fallen nature that is keeping me from seeing this. I must conclude this whole episode is a test from God so I can overcome my fallen nature, but it ain't easy.
I am somewhat worried about my parents. I haven't written to them in a while. Even so, when I do write I can only tell them that I am fine, etc. Last time I gave them my testimony. My father doesn't write. I don't know if he is upset or whether he just lets my mother communicate for him. I have a feeling they think I hate them and that is the reason I won't come home to see them. Also, I think they feel that if I have to be kidnapped in order for them to see me, then it's not worth it.
I am going through some deeper struggles than before, but I know that it is good because through it I will overcome my fallen nature and become perfected.