Nagle, Peter. “Serious Testimony Of A Saved Blessing” (2008)

The following is a testimony of rebirth in our Blessing.
Peter and Danielle Nagle, Alaska

Our marriage up until 4 months ago was a sham. A respectful but dysfunctional Blessing that in no way resembled normalcy let alone God's ideal.

Although we were both desperately unfulfilled, we resigned ourselves to the idea that Father had been a bit ambitious in matching an insensitive Brit' to a somewhat sensitive French Swiss. A couple of decades of struggle and constant misunderstanding of each other seemed to prove that some Blessings are duty based, or even obligation based, rather than being founded on love.

Sex was infrequent and the last one and a half years it was absent. Even touching was out. This left me enormously frustrated and angry. Although we had five sons and both of us were faithful members doing our best to raise children in our tradition.

We both knew, however, that we were frauds. My wife was terribly hurt and let down by this insensitive gorilla of a goon she had for a husband. Most years I had forgotten her birthday and anniversary. This left my wife feeling emotionally malnourished. We both spoke to each other in a way that anticipated a less than positive response.

I was too ashamed to tell friends and especially church members that I was a celibate monk made to sleep, not with my wife, but in a cabin in the garden.

Four months ago my wife could go on like this no longer. She asked me to move out. I was destroyed and profoundly shocked. Instantly I knew we had come clean and get help by telling whomever that we were a mess.

I called the Blessed Family Department and Jim Stephens talked to both of us on the phone for half an hour.

His advice was simple. Start by reviewing the DVD "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor. I was so desperate that I pleaded with my wife to jump on a plane the next day and fly to Los Angeles and attend the seminar in person. After some conceding and due caution my wife decided to accompany her nearly estranged husband to LA.

The seminar was nothing like I had expected. The guy was ten times funnier than Robin Williams and more profound than Plato. We both laughed and cried as we recognized each other depicted in non-judgmental scenarios. I had never heard a better expose of true Principled life. I had no idea how I hurt my wife and she too expressed her sorrow as we pledged to operate on a few simple but life changing principles of give and take.

"Any man can marry any woman," Gungor said, as Father too has said. It is a question of doing the right maintenance on a marriage, not necessarily about marrying the "right person".

We were both profoundly born again. That evening I took my wife to dinner and treated her sweetly as any princess would deserve. That evening, she lured me to a plush hotel and we made love not for 2 minutes, but nearly an hour. We stayed in LA a few more days and like newlyweds scoped out various hotels. Slow love making on king-sized beds with a woman I was getting to know a new.

Since then we have been on fire sexually. We are now students of the conjugal realm as, according to the Pledge, we should be. I have been showering my wife with surprise gifts and symbols of romantic frolic so much so that other men are challenged by my being such a good husband. When I tell them that 4 months ago I was in the proverbial dog house they are all ears.

Needless to say I am grateful. As for the "Laugh Your Way" DVD series it is the best explanation of our teaching I have ever seen. It rescued two hard headed souls from their own doom. We tell everyone we meet about it and I am working on a Principled rendition of this Godly material. In my mind this material is a gift that comes on the merit of the age. It's ours.

Here in Alaska, we have had fifteen couples review the DVD's. Amazingly men think it is produced especially for men and women think it to be largely from a woman's point of view.

Marie Ang, “In Christ there is no East or West”

On the afternoon of February 28, 1969, after a very busy and intense week, Edwin and I found ourselves walking up the crowded little aisle in Upshur House, Washington, D.C. towards our True Parents to receive the blessing of marriage. The room was packed with Church members and guests, the atmosphere was charged. It seemed as if we were in a beautiful, pure garden. And although I knew very little about this older, oriental brother who was becoming my husband, I was completely sure this was the way it was supposed to be. 

During the days just before the blessing, Mr. Eu was giving lectures on the Divine Principle. At the same time, in another part of the building, our True Parents had been interviewing candidates for the blessing. As newly engaged couples were announced, there was much excitement, joy and a somewhat more peaceful atmosphere. Everyone was working feverishly on the many preparations for this glorious day. 

Father had decided to bless thirteen couples. As we lined up to enter the room, the emotions that I experienced were incredible. I felt great joy and yet I felt very unworthy to be there. There were feelings of sadness as some of the older Church members who had helped to guide me into the Church were not included in this blessing. But I was also filled with gratitude to Heavenly Father for this new life, realizing to some degree that I must be responsible to maintain a high and pure standard in myself and our future family. This responsibility seemed awesome, yet quite simple. (At that time we had almost no contact with blessed couples or families, so our understandings were quite idealistic. The reality of our mission became evident as we began our married lives and started our families. In one sense it was a real pioneer mission!) 

The emotion that amazed me the most was feeling completely confident and at peace that this was God's desire for us, even though Edwin and I hardly knew each other. As we walked down the aisle, bowing every seven steps, I knew we were "walking through history" together as a couple to begin a new life and lineage, and that our ancestors were there, celebrating with us. It is a day that will eternally be a vivid memory. That evening, Father and Mother asked each couple to sing. For most, if not all of the couples, it was our debut! Edwin and I were inspired to sing, “In Christ There is no East or West." It seemed appropriate as we were from the East and West coasts of this country and also were coming together from the Eastern and Western worlds. 

That evening, I think we all were aware of a feeling of unity with each other and our True Parents. Yet, when one is confronted with the daily realities of life, living with a spouse from an entirely different culture, there surely are times when there definitely does seem to be an "East and West." 

Our different backgrounds 

Edwin and I were born on opposite sides of the earth in very different cultures and climates. Yet we seemed to have a fairly strong common base on which to begin our marriage. Cultural differences have posed minimal problems. 

Edwin is Chinese but was born in Indonesia in Eastern Java. His parents are Confucianists. He grew up with many brothers and sisters in an extended family situation. His father was a successful businessman, but they lost everything during the war, including the cohesiveness of his family. As a boy, he attended a Dutch Reform elementary school. Then later, after the war, he went to Hong Kong to an Anglican (Episcopal) high school, where he became a Christian. A few years later he received a scholarship to attend International Christian University in Tokyo, Japan. After graduating from there he was then able to come to the United States to do his graduate work in the field of economics. It was his dream (on the basis of a promise to God to do His Will) to help the poor people in underdeveloped countries. He had been in Berkeley about ten years before we met, so he was, as one Korean missionary told me, quite Westernized. He had also lived in several cultures and had grappled with learning languages. 

In contrast, I was born in Michigan and raised on a farm near where my grandparents had pioneered. They had worked hard to eek out a living from the sandy Michigan soil. Their faith in God was strong and so many of my relatives are either ministers or are devoted church workers. My parents, attending church regularly, did their best to pass on to us Christian principles and values. We didn't have so much in a material sense, but I am grateful for my parents' faith in God, and the opportunity I had to grow up in a relatively healthy and pure environment. I went on to become an elementary school teacher and did some traveling abroad. This gave me some awareness of other cultures. However, I was fortunate to spend one summer traveling in Japan and Korea just before meeting the Unification Church. 

This is, briefly, our background. We feel we were guided in our preparation for the blessing in many ways. So when I left my teaching position in Northern Virginia and went to Berkeley, California to join my husband in beginning our life together, it was a time of great happiness for us. 

Life together 

The first three years of our marriage were spent in Berkeley where we saw the Center grow from a handful of members to around sixty brothers and sisters. During this time, we also had our first child. These were really years of tremendous joy and fulfillment, hard work, and also a period of adjustment to my role as wife and mother in the midst of a thriving Church center.

I was always quite conscious that my husband was of a different culture and race, but this added an element of excitement to our marriage. Somehow, through the years, as we have gone through various missions, sometimes working together and sometimes separated, I have grown to very rarely think of my husband as Chinese, but as Edwin, my husband, with his own unique personality.

I often think of the international couples in our church who are having to overcome all kinds of barriers as they work out their relationships within their family. It's exciting to marry someone from another race or nation, to have interracial children; but when there is a language problem, or a wide cultural difference, there must be trying and frustrating times too.

The language barrier

I must say we have had minimal difficulties in our home due to language since Edwin has spoken English for many years. However, I must admit that the first time I talked with him over the phone, I could hardly understand him! The area of communication is so important in a marriage relationship and is sometimes not so easy, even when the same language is spoken. I really feel it is an area where one must have unlimited patience in realizing what one's husband or wife is saying or feeling. Communication is so vital and necessary, although of course it takes more than good communication for an ideal marriage.

It is interesting to see couples in our Church who each have a different native language but communicate in a third language. Their children are learning this third language, which many times is English-or the children are being taught several languages simultaneously. Although there must be frustrating moments for the parents, what a rich heritage these children have as they continue the heavenly lineage! Racial and external differences eventually melt away.

Living situation 

Before coming to Barrytown, we had always lived in a Church Center. But here we have our own living quarters away from the seminary activities. We have the tradition in our home of removing our shoes at the door- partly for practical reasons of keeping the floor clean, and partly due to my husband's personal background and preference-( and our tradition in the Unification Church too, I guess!) Anyway, there are times when our four children plus friends are going in and out that I wonder if it's really necessary. I sometimes would really rather wear shoes-yet I realize we have to be consistent or the children become careless. It seems like a small thing, ·but one's upbringing has its effect in small things like this.

Another minor area in which I find a challenge is table behavior. There is the Eastern reach-for-what-you-need and the Western pass-the-food-to-the-left. We seem to always be somewhere in the middle of the two traditions at our house! Small, but interesting. To our family, the differences in East and West show up in subtle ways, but with a family of six, it becomes obvious! 

In-laws 

Sometimes meeting one's in-laws from another race or country must be quite a traumatic experience, depending on their attitude toward the Church, etc. Unfortunately I have had very little contact with my in-laws as they are living in another country. But I find it interesting to see my husband's way of serving my parents when we are with them- showing them the upmost respect. It really won the hearts ofmy family! He would suggest taking them to a good or even expensive restaurant, when I knew they would be happy and probably more comfortable in just an average eating spot. The attitude towards parents the high respect that is given them in oriental cultures, I felt, has been shown to my parents by my husband.

Each blessed family in the Church, I feel has a unique situation with the wonderful, but often challenging, task of restoring one's lineage and pioneering the path to the kingdom of Heaven as a family. It is often not easy in our situations, living in such a confused and troubled world.

Although there are difficulties in any marriage to work out, and perhaps additional problems in international or interracial families-if you have an embracing heart and a strong and abiding faith in Heavenly Father and our True Parents and can communicate this to other members of your family, then problems can be overcome and the unity maintained and enhanced over time.

A few weeks ago our family was on an outing and a lady came up to me exclaiming, "And who are these beautiful children?" I started to introduce them to her, but suddenly realized she was really asking," Where are they from?" I explained our situation and she said," Oh, don't you wish you had those beautiful oriental eyes?" It takes a person like this to remind me that our children have oriental eyes. To me they are simply the eyes of David, Joni, Dohi, Jennifer, our contribution to God's growing family which will one day transcend all barriers into one family of God in which there is "No East or West"-only the best of each!

From The Blessing Quarterly, Autumn/Winter 1980, 36-39.

Nora Spurgin, “Many things happened with the children”

We helped with the speech at Madison Square Garden in 1974. Then we both attended 120-day training in Barrytown. Later we were both sent out to do pioneering. The married women from 777 couples were sent out as itinerant workers (IWs). I went out for about three years.

It was during that time that we left the children. They spent a lot of time at the nursery. Hugh was at the seminary, where the nursery was located. We never knew how long these missions would last. Sometimes I wondered how long I could drag my heavy heart around from state to state, I so longed to be with my family. Then we worked for Yankee Stadium. We thought that might be the end of the IW mission and that Father would say to go home after Washington Monument. By then many of us were pregnant. I think we all felt like it was time for us to go home. Then Father said, "IWs, stand up." We all stood up. He said, "Continue." Our hearts sank, to face the word "continue." We all went back out, but then I came back to Barrytown to have our third child. After 40 days I went back out, but I took her along with me. Hugh provided a car for me, so I drove around the region with her. I’d come to the center with my baby and a bag. I slept on the floor with her in my sleeping bag. After four months, the baby needed more than I was able to give while traveling. I thought that maybe she needed stability rather than to travel with me. So while I was working I used the nursery again.

We had a conference every 45 days in New York. We would see our children then. We would visit them for a day and we’d go back out. But once we had a conference in California and it meant not being able to see them.

Many things happened with the children. During one Christmas time we had made arrangements to celebrate the holiday. I was in Denver. Hugh was going to bring the children and I would meet them in Indiana to visit Hugh’s family. We bought the train tickets, and then I got a call that the IW’s should not go home. It was one of the hardest things for me. I couldn’t believe it was happening. It was the most painful Christmas I ever spent. I was almost alone in a big center. Most of the members went home. I bought the most beautiful white material to make a coat for my daughter. It was going to have light blue lining, and blue buttons. I made this coat on Christmas day.

While traveling on the Greyhound busses I would read books. I read Alex Haley’s book Roots. There was a section about a slave family that was separated; they were sold separately. I felt we were just like that. I shed so many tears, letting out the pain I felt being separated from my family. I decided that because I was experiencing this, I would make this an offering. I offered it for all the women in the world who had had to be separated, especially the slave women. It’s so important not to be resentful, so I always tried to find a way to offer it.

I went to the prayer room to pray about it. I realized then that True Parents were doing the same thing. They were traveling to every state without their children. When things got really tough, it helped to make a condition about whatever it was, and then it would free me to do the mission. That way, if I offered it to God, I could avoid feeling resentment by putting that sacrifice on the altar.

That period of time was long. Father finally called us and said, “After mothers have three children you should go home and take care of them.” But we didn’t have homes anywhere.

Farley and Betsy Jones’ family and our family moved to the old nursery in Barrytown, where our two families lived together at the Gate House. We lived at Barrytown for six years. We lived with 12 different families at various times. It was quite an experience of learning to live with different families.

We had only one bathroom and one kitchen. One family would bathe the children while the other made dinner and ate. We’d then switch. Our kids often played together. Once I left a gallon of paint on the mantle while we were redoing a room. The children rigged the paint with rope, and when I opened the door, the paint spilled on the brand new carpet. Betsy and I were pregnant and we just looked at the carpet. We had to clean it up by pouring water on it! The kids were really good friends and got into a lot of creative fun. They grew up like brothers and sisters. They will always have deep relationships with each other. Recently they told us that one of the main things that we gave them are the lasting friendships that they will have all their lives.

We lived at Barrytown for six years. In 1979 I was asked to work with the Blessed Family Department. I visited New York two days a week during that time. A lot of seminary students did babysitting for our children then. Between 1979 and 1987 I worked for the Blessed Family Department. Hugh finished his Ph.D. and began his work with the Professors World Peace Academy (PWPA).

From 40 Years in America, 47-48.

Betsy Jones, “It was a turning point for our couple”

In 1970, Farley and I and other 777 couples went to Japan and Korea. There were seven couples from America. We traveled all over Korea and Japan. Father spoke to us quite a bit while we were in Korea. It helped a lot to see all the international couples, the ones from Korea and Japan and the 15 couples from Europe. He spoke to us each day on different topics. He listened to each of our confessions personally, one by one. We shared our heart and our sin with him, and he really represented God’s forgiveness to us.

He called us in the middle of the night to receive the wine ceremony. The wine goes from True Father, to the wife and to the husband, and I had a very deep experience with that. After the wine ceremony I went back to my room to go to sleep. I was trying to go to sleep, and I felt that my ancestors were happy. I even sat up in bed and said, "Isn’t it great?" I felt like something had changed; it was a new beginning. At the holy ground I felt that all was forgiven. Before we left, Father spoke to us and kept saying, "Love your enemy. Love your enemy." He said your enemy will become your mate. We had had a good relationship up until then, but when we returned we were on a new level for our couple.

Farley was the president of the church. And somehow for us, the "enemy" had set in. There was a lot of pressure on our couple. We were really struggling with each other. Farley had a lot of pressure to think only of the mission and not think of his spouse, to restore things, to keep the standard. I went the other way. I had been very dedicated as a single person, but once we were a couple I was worried about insurance and an apartment. About a year and a half later when Father came again, he called me in to talk because he had heard about our fights. He said, "Why do you fight with your husband?" At first I wanted to say that it was because of this and because of that, but somehow I realized that I needed to be totally honest. I said, "Well, I guess I want him to be like me." He laughed and said, "Your personality is 50 percent and your husband’s personality is 50 percent."

His counseling was very sensitive. My attitude wasn’t right then but he was trying to guide me. If a woman continues to get mad at her husband, sometimes the man will turn away and not come back. You have to be careful. Recognize that he has some heart. I have to see what he is doing. I realized that Farley was trying to represent the mission.

Father said, "What kind of life do you want in the spiritual world? Do you want a life where you live in a nice house in the mountains where the sunset comes over the mountains? If you want that, you have to give up certain things in your life on earth. You have to sacrifice something on earth to have that kind of thing later." I went to where my husband was sleeping that night, and even though he was sleeping I really repented to him, and pledged that I would change. It was a turning point for our couple.

From 40 Years in America, pp. 54-55.

Victoria Clevenger, “What is it for me to maturely love?”

One of the most profound (and definitely most challenging for me) aspects of being a Unification Church member is the Blessing. Allowing someone else to choose my spouse and committing to making it work to me is an act of sincerest faith. It’s not hard to believe world peace can come through ideal families. The hard part was creating my own "ideal family."

Shortly after my blessing, I (and my husband) suffered through a period of time during which I was convinced I could never be happy with him unless he changed radically, and I was making a list to detail what he would need to do so that I could love him! Three important insights came from that struggle. The first came at the end of a day spent being more depressed and hopeless than I had ever been before. I was so lost in my bleak thoughts that I "knew" I’d never be happy unless I left the church, and thus left him.

Amazingly, I got the surprise opportunity at the end of that day to see the Rocky movie in which Apollo, Rocky’s former enemy, and an African-American, is coaching him to beat Mr. T. There’s a scene on a beach in which Apollo and Rocky are racing as part of the training, and finally Rocky beats Apollo. Both are so happy that they embrace. I grew up in the South and joined the UC in large part because I saw it as the only way to end racism, which I hated. When I saw this African-American and this white man who had been enemies, hugging, it really clicked inside for me that the universe is a field of love energy. We can get way out of touch with it, but love is the ultimate ground of being -- not the pit of despair and blackness I had been experiencing.

The second was to realize that rather than praying that my husband change, I should ask, "What is it for me to maturely love?"

The third was finally accepting that God’s simple answer to my desperate prayer was true. I had pleaded to know how could I ever be happy with my spouse. God’s answer was, "You’ll be happy when you change." He was right.

From 40 Years in America, p. 322.

Alice Boutte, “Everyone was in shock, like being in the middle of war”

In February 1979, we got the phone call from HQ that Father was going to be doing CARP in America. Tiger Park was coming from Korea, and all blessed wives were asked to serve, and sacrifice their families at this time. Even with a new baby I still had a frontline mentality. I still have that mentality; I hope I never lose it. I responded very quickly. I knew what the Japanese wives and Korean wives had sacrificed. I figured it was our time.

We met Mother in New York and she took us out for dinner. There were other 1800- couple wives there also. She told us to take care of everybody in the field. She embraced us very much. I think she bought us some outfits.

Then we were put on a bus to California. Father gave us a talk about CARP too, about the need to fight communism. We needed to make our offering, and pull out all the stops against communism. Carter was President then and not strong enough. We felt we were important and that Father needed us. I remember on the bus going out that emotionally we were ripped away from our babies.

My husband was there taking care of ours. Some people were still nursing and they were suffering with all this milk that we expressed into the sinks of the restrooms on the way out to California. We were making such a sudden sacrifice. Everyone was still in shock, kind of like being in the middle of war. We thought, we're in a war against communism, and all God has is a bunch of mothers and simple folk. Still we felt that we were in an important role.

Tiger Park met us for dinner when we arrived. He had such a warm personality; he made it easier. He and his wife had gone through this before us; we knew they knew what we were experiencing. They were wonderful; we did all we could to support him. We moved from campus to campus, standing up to the communists wherever we went. We had verbal fights, and sometimes things got physical, which was scary. Tiger Park found out that I was loud and could talk for a long time, which he used to his advantage (my husband found that out too) during the rallies.

I had to speak out on Berkeley Campus and someone spit on me once. We got some powerful reactions, standing up to the liberals. I shouted my head off and let it all hang out! Tiger Park let me do it because he knew I had a loud voice. I supported him and I could be strong in that situation, maybe more than some wives. Some had serious health problems and it was hard for them. Some had no children and wanted them but now didn't have the chance to try. The grueling pace of things was difficult. It was a demanding, frontline schedule. God gave me a healthy body; I have been fortunate.

Then I found out I was pregnant and I knew that I would have the chance to go home on maternity leave. When I got home almost nine months later, Tiger Park gave us a $100 bill and said for us to go out to dinner. I never had an engagement ring or a wedding ring, so we bought that with the money instead. I still wear it.

The hardest time in CARP was the second half. We were told that the mission would last for three years. By the second year, it was getting old and wasn't very exciting anymore. The Halloween before Reagan was elected was a low point. I was fundraising. Everything we had done was to change the direction of America. Reagan was not a sure thing that night.

As I went up to the cars at the light with my flowers, all these people were in costumes. So many of them were satanic. It was frightening and depressing. I never felt so hopeless. I felt like, "Gee, I am on the edge here, begging money from Satan." These people were like Satan, laughing and grotesque. God was showing me hell, what He had to look at. I thought, this is serious.

I gave birth, and then 100 days later I was back out. I thought, I gave up my two kids, and it's not going to work, no matter what I gave up. I went and cried into my tea at a McDonald's. I connected with God through the tea, but I didn't fundraise anymore that night. This was a miserable night, no hope for America; it was too awful, too terrible.

But after that we witnessed on the street for the campaign, volunteering for the Republican HQ. When Reagan won, we felt it was our victory. We felt that CARP had really helped with the victory of the election. After Reagan was elected and inaugurated we got to go home. It was a victory like in the Star Wars movie.

From 40 Years in America, pp. 329-31.