In school you also have that orderly relationship. You belong to a class in which the teacher is subject. Who will be the leader of the class? It will be the one whose thought is deep and encompassing enough to provide leadership. We would like to be people who are welcomed by their circumstances. Certainly everyone who comes in contact with you should welcome you. You advance and improve your situation in family and society, and the first prerequisite is to be popular.
What if America is a downhill environment? Then you have to replace it with a better set of circumstances, supplementing what is there. You have to replace that relationship with a present (better?) relationship. By doing so you will develop a new relationship which is desirable. The person who is developing always satisfies these conditions.
Let us take, as an example, the Unification Church as an environment. You haven't seen anything like this in the everyday world -- this is where all races become equal and feel at home. You must stand in such a way that the environment will help you in your endeavors. You must have right relationships of subject and object. Then you have to provide the best direction and leadership ideas; you have to be able to show the best ideas to other people.
We conclude that when people all look up to you because you can be helpful to everyone in a subjectobject relationship, then such a person is about to advance. My whole life has been lived in the Unification Church, leading, blessing, raising members, so my society is the Unification Church. Yet when I go to a Buddhist society, which is wholly different, I apply this principle. I become humble to learn what they are doing and adapt to it as fast as possible. You have to learn even secular things, though they may not help you personally too much.
You know that wherever I go I look great, but I can be most becoming to the ordinary people. Because of my experience and suffering, I know how to honor that situation. When I go to a foreign country I grasp their way of living and doing things, and I rearrange my steps to match the rhythm of life there. I make sure that I make myself the best object to the subject there, and I am confident that I can do so.
When you respect and honor such a subject, you cannot help becoming close, and then it is natural to consult each other. When gradually that person will begin to honor you and recognize your superior sense. Then eventually he will follow you. I work out a perfect rhythm when I go visit a Senator or Congressman. I don't boast and criticize them. I don't even think that. I don't think that someone's smoking is harmful to him and get outraged, but I strike a match for him. My mind is broad enough to do that.
This is actually the rule and law of society. No matter how evil or disagreeable circumstances might be, if you oppose them then your route of advancement will be blocked and you will be isolated. Imagine you are sent to jail. In a typical Oriental jail, there is a bucket for a bathroom. The most recent arrival sits closest to the bucket, and as other people come you move further away. It is a smelly place to sit. Even though I know I am going to change the environment, if I immediately disregard the rules of the environment it will never work. That's the principle which forms a society.
Fishermen have their own rules and customs, so I become friends with them when I go fishing. If I fish with greater enthusiasm and expertise than the professionals then gradually they will come to respect me and listen to me. Whenever you go into another set of circumstances, the first thing you must do is find the relationship of subject and object. You do that so eventually you can educate your subject. First you must form the right relationship with him so you can do that. That's the basic pattern of my action everywhere I go.
Everywhere I go I am confident that within three years I can win people over and teach them what is necessary. I am confident that I can share a boat with anyone.
It is a basic rule that you must immediately rut to use when you find yourself in new circumstances. This is a secret to use so you will be sure to inherit. When I look at Neil Salonen, this is my criterion how does he adapt himself? Of course, he functions as president, but I think what would happen if I sent him to be an MFT commander? Would he run away or refuse to do it? Then he would flunk the course. If Neil [Salonen] were me and he told me to go to MFT, I would smile and go without hesitation. I would feel it would widen my area of influence. First I would learn the daily schedule and life of the experienced members, but after a few days I would ask if that was the best way, and have some suggestion to offer. Then I would compete.
Wherever I go I immediately become friends not only with high-ranking people but with everyday people. I can speak well in a quiet low-voiced conversation, which is a sign of intimacy. Then I can deal with every problem. This is a rule that always works, so it is the way of making relationships. I not only had training in the company of grandmothers, but tested how fast I could eat, counting off the seconds. Pretty soon I was accustomed to that, and then I learned how to take 30 minutes or one hour to eat a meal. It is difficult to do it you are not accustomed to it.
Soon you will find that everyone else follows your pattern, eating, dressing and sleeping like you do. By the time I am acquainted with her I am in a position to guide her to a better way of life.
God will do the same thing. When God visits the butterflies, He doesn't demand that they respect Him as their creator; He dances with the butterflies for a few minutes and tunes in first: If God will visit a community of fools He will act a perfect fool. If the butterfly leaves and pays no attention to Him, He will wait until it comes back, or if He really wants a relationship He will follow it. This is a secret and you should never think light of it. I have followed it year after year and it never fails.
If you visit a gathering of sparrows, make believe you are a sparrow and imitate them pecking your food and chirping. Feel like you are one with them.
When you meet someone, find some real good points in him; don't be stingy until you praise him. If you praise him then he is happy because not many people recognize him. So when he goes up then he brings you with him, even if you refuse to go. Then he will take you to the most secret place he has reserved for himself. That is another secret you should remember. Wherever I go, the first thing I do is tune into the rhythm. When I play with children, I do as they do. Let them ride on you.
That way you make yourself welcome by the environment. Once you are welcomed, don't lose a minute establishing the right relationship between subject and object. Do you have any exception to this? If you can do it within the Unification Church and society, everyone will say that you are a well-adapted man. When I go to a labor camp, where everyone brings their lunch in a box, I can get so close to the people that within three days they will want me to share their lunch.
I accept any circumstances gladly, thinking it is a precious training ground for me, and if I pass this stage of training then something more fantastic is waiting. You can be the king of the labor camp if you prove yourself useful. First you have to be welcomed. Secondly, make the right relationship between subject and object. What is your ultimate goal? To educate and leave a better way of life. That way you are in harmony with the environment. Fighting in nature always loses.
Fundraising is a great challenge, and it is a basic activity all our young members do. If people start out at 6 then you start out 1/2 hour earlier and do longer than they do. The best time to catch some sleep is while the van is moving. If you meet the situation enthusiastically, you won't get tired. Next, find out who is your subject and who is your object, and learn from the experienced person. In training myself I followed this route all the time, and today I find myself useful in the most complex situations of leading the Church.
If you go to high society you ought to be able to do that. Though you may not be a great dancer, you at least have to be able to keep the same rhythm they do. You already know how Orientals sit. Your legs don't bend as readily, so you stretch your legs out, but stretching your legs out in front of a stranger or someone older than you are is very impolite. If you do the same as Orientals do they will notice that your legs get stiff because they know how it feels, and then they will tell you to go ahead and stretch your legs out. Then you can smile and laugh. After that no one will ever accuse you of being unadaptable. Then they will enjoy seeing you stretch out your legs.
When you go to Rome, you become a Roman; when you go to Greece you become a Greek. Wherever you go, adapt yourself there and be welcomed by society. This is a formula that always works. When it is right you recite a poem, and if you do it with the right emotion it is really soothing. If you know that a man has a habit of writing long, witty letters to his wife, then write in your own words and ask him what he thinks of it. If he likes it enough you can tell him to send it in his own name. Sometimes a person gets tired of his own way of writing and he welcomes a change. Then he will begin to open up his mind.
When I visited the dentist I noticed he was very absorbed and busy, so when he was busy with me I snuck his handkerchief out of his pocket, and as I was leaving said to him, "You were so wrapped up in what you were doing that you didn't even notice I took your handkerchief" And he burst out laughing. No one can hate you for that.
This is not done overnight. You have to train yourself, and after a few years you will be confident and never be pushed around. You will lead the circumstances in the best possible way; you know you will be welcome and feel at ease; you know you can find out everyone else's problem and you know you can help. Even though ordinary people don't do this, for sure blessed couples should do this. Starting today put this into practice. You will need that ten, twenty years from now.
When you look at a position higher than you, welcome and climb over it. When you are about to be sent down to a position you never imagined having, then applaud that. When a person is terribly sad and unhappy, you must be able to cry. The only way to console a sad person is to become sadder than he. What else can you do? You don't need to be a great scholar to do these things. Even if you didn't graduate from high school, if you have the ability to harmonize with other people, God will absolutely come to you often.
If I need to, I can become good friends with a housewife on the way to the market. By the time we get there we will be friends. How? While we are walking there I would say, "I saw you buying such and such on your last trip to the market." She would be surprised and ask, "How do you know?" I would say, "What do you mean, how do I know? I know. And the time before that you bought such and such, and down a certain aisle and checked out." She would be really surprised and ask, "How did you know?" "Don't you know we have a common friend, so and so? I know you are good friends." "Who is she?" "Oh, it is too embarrassing for her. I won't tell. If you feel as close to me as I would to you, maybe I'll tell you." Then she could not help but say, "Next time you go to the market I will tag along with you." "Well, you don't have to tag along with me; next time I will escort you to the market." Then it is natural that we walk together and she won't mind if I go along next time.
If you pay enough attention, there are hundreds of ways of knowing what she bought before. "You paid with a $50 bill." "How did you know?" She would be amazed. Always follow the same steps as the environment and don't be isolated. To be a leader you must have that kind of ability. You have to purposely train yourself for that. You may have heard of Mr. [Ryoichi] Sasakawa, a Japanese tycoon. He really likes me. We went into a hotel together and I asked if his bedroom had a spare bed, and would he mind if I moved into his room and slept there. One time I took him to the bath and washed his back there, and I just banged on him. It is customary to get some massage there, but I just pounded on him. He exclaimed, "That hurts!" "You may be accustomed to a nice soft massage,':' I said, "But I never formally learned how to massage. Show me how you would do it."
After that there is nothing you cannot do and you will be very close to each other for a few years. That's the best thing that can happen. You talk about romance, humanity, what better humanity can you imagine? Do you think it is a most natural and nice way to get to be friends with each other? Then you can start speaking your philosophy right away. Attune to the circumstances right away and establish the subject-object relationship quickly; this is the best way of life there is. Don't you think this is an important ability to have to be a good leader or good follower?
It is a foolish man who tries to use his authority to proclaim himself and make people follow his way. You ought to know how to adapt yourself quickly and be welcomed by the environment. At the end of a ten-hour talk, now I get the conclusion... I see that some people are about to burst inside, just as though they were chewing on a bitter insect or pill. How nice it is to be positive and jovial, to experience this as a precious experience.
Is what I am saying timely? If you adopt this formula quickly, locating who is subject and object. You have to say, "To you the subject I will be a truthful object." You might say, "You spoke twelve or thirteen hours only on the march to Moscow. Don't you have other plans than that?" I will comment, "You don't look so stylish, but the way you think is superb." Why can't you say, "Father, now I know you better, and I completely agree with you. The only complaint I have is that you are not doing enough. If I were you I would do more. If I do, would you let me do the work?" If you ask me to help you do that, I would say YES. Then we can extend our world and have much in common.
Were you apprehensive about what I would say to you, or were you happy to all get together after such a long time that I should do this and I knew it was absolutely necessary. So I took the opportunity today...
I can give any kind of order to you, but at the same time I can receive any kind of order from someone else. This is a piece of really valuable advice, which you should never forget.
If your husband walks into your room, tired and with slumping shoulders, and you are just waking up from your nap, expecting him to love you, you should never be angry that he is shrinking like that. Instead, though you are angry, never show it, but greet him, give him ' massage, and so on. If he won't let you make him comfortable by taking his socks off, for instance, then just tackle him and take his socks off with your teeth. No husband could stay upset with that.
Again, when the wife is in a bad temper, as usual, be very peaceful and don't show your emotions. You come up with the best result by doing so. Once you achieve the subject-object relationship then it doesn't matter who is what -- you are one. Then the superior one will lead and the inferior one follow. If you go to a children's world you do that with a child. It is absolutely necessary. Just imagine how rich your life will be after you adopt this way.
If you walk into a shop with this feeling, the sales person will be ready to give you good service because she feels at ease. She will point out good buys and maybe help give you a discount.
This applies to every part of life, both in the Church and outside. Some people don't smile unless they really feel like it, but they should practice smiling more. Sometimes I might see someone with a blank expression and then imitate it. When they ask me what I am doing, I tell them I like their expression and am imitating them. That is going right into your circumstances.
If you practice this for three years then you will experience enormous development. So three years from now if you have changed a great deal, show me how you have changed. Even in your loving, you have to do the same. Do you ever take into consideration everything, both your mood and hers? This applies everywhere, in every activity.
After you make that a habit, how good it is and you come to like it. It is ridiculous for an old man to stay in an old place all the time and a young man to stay in a young place all the time; you have to be able to go to a young, old or in-between place at will. If you feel like old, go ahead and stay there. If you feel like young, by all means come down there.
If you don't find that interesting circumstances, you look for that, everywhere you can find. When you want to be close to a dying man, you have to make believe that you are also dying. Those who are sure you got my message, raise your hands. From now on when I introduce a project excitedly would you stick out your lip and insist you aren't part of it? Or would you ask for more and volunteer to do it with me?
When you master this skill then you are master of all your circumstances, all of America. This is why when I went to England it never appeared to be a strange country. Mrs. Won Pok Choi once remarked that in England my audience was so intensely attuned to me, and asked how I could do that. She said they are a bit different from Americans, but I never failed to keep their full attention. The first night I walked in and spoke to the members as if I had been speaking to them for twenty years. How can I do that? Mrs. Choi really wondered. I am now telling you that it was the result of training myself on purpose.
Those who have been fighting each other regularly, raise your hands. After you know this precious secret, will you fight for years to come? You men must know that women show their unhappiness in small things.
I am sorry that I kept you until 11, but you gained and have learned this formula.
It's good for the blessed couples to get together once in a while and spend time with Father. We do that by region, maybe -- East Coast, West Coast because it's not practical to travel all the way from the West Coast to the East Coast. You never know who will be coming. You might think I am coming, but then you find Mr. Pak coming, or Col. [Bo Hi] Pak or Rev. [Chung Hwan] Kwak; you never know who will talk to you. I may go; I may not. I don't know either.
It's really good for the family to be harmonious and get together. Until the year of 1981, which is the end of the third seven-year course, I cannot help you. If I helped you then you would find it to be a burden instead of a help, such a condition of indemnity. But after that year I can help you and will help you. Especially the old couples, with children getting older and they have absolutely no official source of income; I know that. Persevere for a couple more years. After that I will see to it. Do you understand?
We have to train ourselves in such a way that every day we are open to a new assignment that might be coming. I might decide to open fifty branches of a company, in all fifty states. I feel a few couples can take responsibility for that. And if you manage it the way you should, you should be realizing a new branch every year. For couples that are working in HSA, or in various public ways, I will make a salary system and give living expense per child. The income from all these stores should be enough to go around to all the blessed couples who are on public assignment.
I am quite optimistic that it should be enough income for all of you, to see your children through college. I have been working on it for a long time; especially this year I really see the possibility. With confidence in that, please do your best and think about the will of God.
I know the old members have gone through impossible stages, yet you should never be a burden to newly joined young family members. For the special expense of childbirth, I will consider HSA supporting half the expense, perhaps. We will put aside some fund for that, provided the couple works for a public assignment.
It's not something that you can forget about and work out somehow. I realize it is a serious matter, especially when you are occupied with public work and cannot work at will. I know it becomes a serious problem. All of the Korean blessed couples have no problem by now. Everyone is getting a salary, their own living. Japan, again, is no problem. I didn't help them to buy a house, but they have no problem to support themselves in Japan. The problem is America. We are so limited in time that we cannot go out and get a job; I know that. I have been thinking seriously about providing the means.
Brian Hill, Henry Masters, stand up. They have been here, spending almost two years now separated from their families. They have finished their research; they are about to finish the final draft of a fiberglass boat, a yacht as well as fishing vessel -- not with steel or wood, but fiberglass. That has a great future, and they are really pioneering. They really worked in an incredible way, and they have mastered all the skill and data already.
Originally, I planned to buy 60 of the smaller craft, 26 foot. Now, thanks to their research, they are quite confident that they can make our own brand at half the cost of each boat.
Especially when you meet them in the halls you ought to encourage and thank them. The couples in America who are in a more central position should pay visits to them and invite them for dinner in their home. Just for the sake of perfecting this fiberglass boat they separated from their families and came to America. The Koreans and Japanese are better at that, and the Americans should start to learn that. When couples come from Korea, Japan or Europe for permanent assignments then you ought to make note of that. Headquarters should make a note of that, and pay a visit every now and then.
When American families go to Japan or Korea, for semi-permanent assignment, the director of blessed family affairs should write an official letter and send it to the other national blessed couple departments.
After the third seven-year course is over, I will hold regular international blessed couple meetings and will discuss all the things of common concern. Don't you think this is necessary? We have to talk seriously about helping underdeveloped countries that need help in basic areas, like hygiene. We will be concerned about our World Relief Foundation. All the couples will solicit aid materials and they will be sent to a country.
It has been customary in this country to receive incredible donations of finished goods and merchandise. If I really focused on it, I feel confident that I could fill the East Sun building completely with aid material in 6 months with first-rate goods. We will soon have a program of exchange visitation between countries. When the guests come Mr. [Neil] Salonen will provide them with lodging, and in later years you should be able to take pride in how many guest couples have slept in your home. We have to think about these things all the time, and this is good preparation. Have you ever invited some of the Korean and Japanese couples who have been in this country a long time to come and spend a few hours with you? If you have lunch together it doesn't have to be a feast, but just slightly better than what you would ordinarily have. Imagine how much closer you will become by doing that. Don't you think this is necessary to promote closeness?
We should practice that our homes are always open to any families that are traveling through. Strictly speaking it is your brother's house, so you should not feel like you were entering a stranger's home and be embarrassed. Then over a meal you talk about America, about fundraising goals, and ask what they do in their country. How is home church coming along there. We have so much to exchange, and how good it is to know each other like this. We must always think for the future to have a closeness.
To have a well-to-do life or a very poor life is actually out of place. There is nothing disgraceful about sleeping on the floor; you don't have to sleep on a bed every night. It is our philosophy that we can be proud even in a poor standard of living. Being well to do is rather a source of disgrace than pride. I remember going to Chicago and seeing Mrs. [Patty] Pumphrey arrive in a beaten-up jalopy that rattled. I wasn't embarrassed at all about riding in it. I still remember it deeply. If I don't mind that, why should any Unification Church member mind if their car or living room is not so nice?
It is mind and heart which matters. I can make myself comfortable in any circumstances, any shabby setting. To let a guest couple stay in a hotel or motel is a downright disgrace; share your lodging up to a month or week, whatever. We should feel pride in doing so. Make a beginning and then keep practicing it.
