Sun Myung Moon
February 11, 1980
To All Blessed Couples in America
New York
Excerpt
L to R: Kook-jin, Hyun-jin, Father, Sun-jin, Mother, Hyung-jin, Heung-jin, holding Young-jin, Un-jin, Kwon-jin - East Garden May 14, 1980
We understand that the purpose of restoration is to restore the unfallen tree, to cause it to grow in a natural, consistent way. Could any branch remove the trunk and say it will take over for the good of the tree in the trunk's place? Is that possible? The system in this country provides that one person will be a trunk for four or eight years, and then someone else will take over. Today the big tree is growing even bigger; each part of the tree has the content to become even bigger.
It is possible that a healthy branch of a tree might be cut off and planted to become a tree on its own; but it will not any longer be considered just part of the original tree. No matter how many branches grow from one trunk, still the tree grows in one direction, not many. The trunk is ever growing. We have grown to a certain bigness and every year our branches and leaves are increasing in number. Some branches grow to the east and others to the west, some to north or south. But still it is not possible for the branches to choose their own direction. The branches of a fallen tree take pleasure in growing crooked.
Someone might pick any member at random and remark at how strikingly similar to me he is, even though his face is different, because he has the same goal and ideal. Even if the member is black, he has the same conscience so he has the same cells; we are all made of the same cells. It makes no difference, if you are an Eskimo, or whatever. Even if a cannibal joins, after a while he will have the same cells as well, as long as he is consistent with my tradition. This means that we share ideals and objectives. If God were to restore a country, would He do so by forming different factions?
Is this going to be an evergreen or a tree that changes color with the seasons? This tree can only be one kind of tree, not two or three -- an evergreen. Can you boast that you are evergreen? That's where the problem lies. Can you drop from the main tree because it is too cold? The leaves of an evergreen do not drop off. Who establishes the main tradition that ensures it will remain this way? We do, and therefore, we should teach our children.
If we do something wrong to children, we must apologize and frankly admit it. I sometimes beg my own daughter to take after me and share the direction I am going in; I don't just order her to do so. That has no place in me. I explain and beg her to understand. Likewise, I ask the couples to live in a certain way and do certain things, I don't order you. I am ever hopeful for certain families to adjust their course and come back to the normal way.
This is the time when you start preparing to be a family, so you shouldn't just go into it lightheartedly. According to the experience of other people, it is not all easy, and in no time, at all you will have children. Have you established the required condition of having 84 spiritual children, like you all should, and are you setting up your family on that foundation? Of course, you are not ready in that fullest sense. Because of the circumstances, I am giving you permission to live together, even though you are not worthy yet, if you feel that you will try your best.
You are indebted to everyone around you, including your own children, until you fulfill that foundation. You have to clearly understand this. I know what Principle calls for and I had to fulfill it literally, not symbolically. If my own children ask whether I have really done what I taught the members to do, I am prepared to explain how I indeed have done it. If God asks whether I have lived up to the standard the Principle calls for, I am ready to give a straight answer. Even if Satan asks, I have a ready explanation.
One day you will also be asked that question, and you should be able to answer as I do. Without doing so, how can you assume the position of true parents? Where will you get material with which to teach your children if you don't? Before I could become a true parent, I had to establish all the traditions necessary in the Principle point of view. It is only logical that you become true parents also, but first you must establish the requirements. Only then can you genuinely educate the generations to come.
Are you ever conscious that you are compiling a textbook for educating your own children? Could you fight each other if you are deeply conscious of how you will educate your children? One day you have to make a textbook for your family, and who will do it? Do you want some other family to share your copy? Or can you say, "I have already made one. Borrow mine?" My textbook is really the main trunk, or treetop, and you are not all treetops. You are branches from the trunk and have your own level of tradition. You have to make your own textbook.
Imagine if you don't make it, that responsibility will be passed on to your children, and then to generations after that. You think that you are unworthy to be here living this difficult path with me, but do you think it is better to do this while I am alive on earth or to leave for your children to do when times are easier? Wouldn't it be easier to do while I am here and pushing you? If you fail to do it, you will be shamed before your own children.
Is it more important to have the daily life of living together and · have three meals a day and have children, or to solve the basic issues of our life -- namely tradition and satisfying the Principle requirements with which to teach our children?
You must know what comes first, more than having daily life together. It's not as simple as just living together. You have to discipline yourself in a certain direction of life, making sure it is in conformity with Principle. Then perhaps you will be a worthy textbook.
Only after making sure you have provided the contents for that textbook can your family tree begin to be compiled under you as true parents. You are the first generation -- or the second if you count me. Have you thought about compiling your family tree? Or did you need to hear it from me? In order to establish your clan, two champions will have to come into unity; you will no longer be working alone.
Should we or shouldn't we use birth control? Is it better to have abundant branches, or fewer branches so the weight on the tree will be less? If you want many branches then the conclusion is simple no birth control, and as many as happen, fine. Up to how many do you think you can allow? Birds are not the next level to man; they are small. Do they control the number of their eggs? They hatch all they lay, and the two parent birds are busy feeding all of them. But they don't kick their offspring out of the nest. If man is next to God, should he complain that it is difficult to feed too many mouths and want to control his offspring?
Shouldn't we want to bear as many children as come, and try our best to provide for them? Isn't that natural? Someone asked earlier about the economics, and now is time to talk about it. Both parents helped create the children, so they'd better work hard and feed them! This is why I have been saying, "Go witness and go fund raise." In order to fund raise you have to give up everything of your own. Now, if you have witnessed to many people then they can help you with 10% of their income. If you have fund raised then you can make much money. With that kind of money, you can feed your children.
You never thought of it this way, but when you witness, they will be the ones to help feed your family. When I tell you to fund raise, it is training to support your children. I have been thinking this way all my life; it is just that I am saying it for the first time today. It shows that I am very pragmatic. Americans are very pragmatic, but you have never seen how pragmatic I am!
I pushed you and pushed you and sometimes you couldn't understand. Do you think I can sleep easily when I pound on you that way? I did that because I knew that someday you would have many children, and I know how difficult it is to support many children. But if my family was hungry and you had some money, I know that you would bring what you had to me and let your own family go hungry instead. In turn, the people whom you witness to will do the same for you if you witness correctly.
If you have many branches, the leaves will help to make the trunk grow bigger. Our conclusion is that the person with most blessing is the one who has witnessed most, and has many physical children as well. The more children you have, the more blessed you are. If a treetop is growing in a certain direction, the other treetops will follow that direction. If you follow the treetop then you are worthy of heavenly blessing; if you don't want to do that then there is no alternative but decline for you.
The strictest test you must pass is meeting the qualification to be a real parent. If you don't measure up but you have many children, they will all eventually blame you. I gave you all the truth as a standard. It will challenge and examine you one day. If you can live up to the standard then fine, you are blessed. Why am I telling you this formidable truth? It is so that you can prepare yourself to inherit all I have earned. Otherwise, the truth will judge you. I know this, which is why I am most serious about this matter and I could persevere, no matter what criticism came to me. I always scrutinize myself severely in this position.
If I fail to do something then I am a sinner. Certain indemnity waits to be fulfilled, and whatever is left undone will come to accuse me. You have never thought about these things, have you? This is not imaginary, but very real. This relationship of husband, wife and children is most formidable. You may think you have done everything for your children by caring for their needs and they are very amiable, but they may still betray me. You should know how formidable and potentially even fearful this child can be. I could not easily treat my oldest son, Sung Jin, kissing and embracing him, as average parents would. I was very serious in handling my newborn child.
The father and mother ought to get together in harmony and kiss the children. I am not just a member of the Unification Church -- I am the founder, so how could I regard this lightly, as many members are likely to do? Only after my marriage with Mother was begun in 1960 could I allow Sung Jin to enter my house and speak briefly with him. It wasn't easy. A child could never understand, no matter how much blessing he is born with, why his father would treat him like that. He accumulated much resentment and he wouldn't understand readily what I said. I knew that I should do that, but it was not easy. Only after I made the family foundation strong could I receive my child.
When you are not thinking of these things, but are fighting with each other, can you easily kiss your own children? What will they think when they grow up? Maybe you feel you can't live up to the standard, but if you feel that way then you have nothing to do with the heavenly way. You really have to meet the standard that Principle requires. So far, your aspiration is zero. There are some homes in the secular world where discipline is greater than yours. We don't measure by the standard of money or power; no matter how difficult a life we lead now, we are concerned with whether your tradition conforms to mine.
If you understand the meaning of breastfeeding, you will be more earnest about doing it. But even if you do that, if you are as pure as the baby himself, when the baby looks you straight in the eye you will tremble with concern whether you are meeting the standard required by the Principle. You have to have a real feeling that if you don't meet that standard that one-day that baby will accuse you. If you don't do your responsibility, the burden of the child will be two or three times greater.
If a wife is self-centered and the husband doesn't have the will to cover that deficiency, but more children are on the way, where is that couple if they are not concerned? Has any American woman thought about cleaning herself thoroughly to greet her husband at home, knowing that he has a higher standard than she in this Principle standard? Or the other way around? Have American husbands thought of that? When your wife is away doing dispensational work, shedding tears, think that you are doing work for the world. At the same time, the result comes back to you.
How is a man different from an animal? Man has an idea of what he is, which animals do not. Can we confidently say we need men? In this way we are making sure that we are serious. This is a sign we are starting a manly life for the first time. Again, it is difficult to become a true wife. Certainly it is hard to be a true husband. If you don't think so then maybe you are better than me. More difficult than that is to become worthy parents to your children. Even though somehow you become worthy parents, the next step means sacrificing them for the sake of the whole.
The wife you love so much must go out and the children you love so much must also sacrifice. The situation may not require that, and then everyone is happy. Everything prescribed in the Bible must come to pass. The person who loves his wife or family more than the Lord is not worthy of the Lord. The Bible says that your own family is your worst enemy. Even now in the 20th century this is a paradox, and people try to interpret it in their own way. If I am asked if I and my family have achieved this standard, I can confidently say yes. If you have not crossed over that threshold, then you have nothing to do with that. This is the Principle. It is not that I enjoy doing this, but it cannot be bypassed.
If you are conducting laboratory experiments, you must do so in accord with natural law. Otherwise, your experiments will fail. We cannot add and subtract at our will from Principle. I cannot do that and God cannot do so either. You have to tread on the path of Principle. How wonderful it would be if we could override it. As intelligent as I am, there is no other choice. I want to say OK and let you pass, but I cannot.
How many of you think you have been worthy husbands by my criteria? Not even one? How do you think I feel to see that no one has confidence to raise his hand? We know God has been working for 6,000 years, not for thousands, or even dozens of people, but just for one person -- the True Parent. How much difficulty He had in making me. Do you think it was easy to raise that one individual? Place yourselves in God's position; in looking at all mankind it's not hard to understand that the center of God's efforts has been the True Parents. God has no other people to place His hope in. Do you think God would pay attention when I mentioned to God that I had some wish?
Everyone in spirit world said I should rest; God didn't say anything, in a way agreeing. But then I said, "I must go to Moscow." When I went to Washington I managed to survive, but my life will not be so secure by the time I influence Moscow. After Yankee Stadium and Washington Monument, what do you think I am doing now? All the projects I am investing in are calculated to launch our march to Moscow. That is exactly what spirit world is eagerly waiting for; if Unification Church members aren't worthy then they want me to do it. God is silently hoping that also. One may say that America is the ideal nation to do the job.
If you don't want an adventurous life, I can say that you will never get anything done. Am I adventure loving or dumb? This is the only way. If you did as you would like to do, it would take thousands of years. How long do you think I will live on earth. I don't know myself. But practically speaking, in the next twenty years we've got to get everything done. I feel that from now on everyone who is connected to me will have to go through a hard life. This is why I am considering gathering all our blessed children and educating them in one school. Have you visited the Little Angels School? A high school normally wouldn't cost as much as college, but I wanted the best. As a result I spent almost $20 million. With that kind of money we could establish a university.
America is a wealthy country, while Korea is poor, but the Little Angels High School is the best school in the world, both in facilities and also spiritually. Not only the children of Korean blessed couples but of blessed couples around the world will go there; the teachers there come from all over the world. The teachers learn Korean. Eventually all the blessed children of high school age will come.
Mrs. [Mal Sook] Lee teaches Korean in the nursery. When the children pick up a few words at that age it will be most helpful when they grow up; pronunciation will be much easier. After that we will have our own college.
If I had money in the future to build a college, should I divide that money up among you so that your work would be easier? Or should I just close my eyes to you and build the school? When the first Americans came to this land they had to build their own schools and churches. I felt that I have topped the record in sponsoring more graduate students than anyone in history. You know money is needed to do that. You can make money almost any time, but the time for education falls in a certain age; certainly it is not practical after the age of forty at most.
Even though we have no church buildings or school buildings, if one man is educated in the real tradition of Unification Church then he will play the role of hundreds of thousands of people in the future. He can provide wisdom and knowledge enough to lead one nation. When our graduate students finish their studies, I will bring them to England and let them go through what the earlier members went through.
Beginning in 1980 both of you -- not husband apart from wife -- have to sit together and pray to heaven and put a lot of heart into that. The eyes of the blessed families should never be dry for one minute. Do you know many young people take PCP? Not just one or two, but many do. Have you ever seen a, walking corpse?
That's what happens to someone who takes it for any length of time. One hundred years ago the British encouraged opium sales in China to help subdue the Chinese. Do you know where the opium in America comes from today? From China. It is cause and effect. But the Chinese are better in that when their people were dying and succumbing to the drugs, there were some people who were determined they would become stronger than the British and would dominate them someday. But in America there are no young people who are 'angry at the situation and resolved to change it. They don't even question it. There is no one who is indignant like the Chinese were. Unification Church members are the only hope to see the present situation of America and want to change it.
The communists have been working without anyone knowing, and by the time people realize it, it is too late. Now we are warned, and it is time for someone to step forward in indignation and stop the communists. Do we find a group of people who are furious at what is happening in America? We have to be sure of that. We have to have a strong stick to shatter these injustices.
You have to be able people, able to fulfill responsibility which you cannot imagine today in public office and government. You have to educate yourself; I don't mean education from an institution, but inheriting the tradition. If America falters then it is not just the end of America, but of many other nations who have placed their hope in America. They will all be washed away with America. But if America is successful then they will all follow America.
If this fails then I am obliged to cut off America from my consciousness and pick up another country instead. I don't even want to think about that. If you are a serious person, then you should have several courses of action; you should have alternatives in mind to cope with events and achieve your purpose. If America fails then you cease to be an American. I will tell all the families and members to come to another country. Are you prepared to do that?
I have to think of first, second and third choices if America fails. You can't think that you will stop if that happens. We must go on. When the Exodus took place, all those who remained in Egypt were beaten to death. A similar thing might happen in America. There are other countries that will welcome us. Do you think it is easy to make sure to that extent, considering the incredible persecution we are facing?
Here in America you don't starve, no matter how low you fall down in society. If you have to give up everything and have no resources you can still maintain a middle-class standard of life if you are thrust into society. If you think you are suffering hardship, there are many older members in Korea who have already worked so hard. They thought the hardship would stop but it has continued and they don't know when it will end. You began not so long ago but you have a guarantee that you will not starve. You will never be beggars. That is real security.
Each of you couples have to have that strong determination. There is no place for thinking you are an exception. How can you seem to be a member of the Family then? If I selected couples at random, gave you $2,000 and a plane ticket to another country, would you say you couldn't go? It might just happen. Don't even think this is jus.t imaginary. If I told them to bring their children to your family, would you gladly take them into your home and care for them as your own?
If you can do that, then what's so terrible about the nursery? It is better than an overcrowded, understaffed home which already has its own struggles. If you feel that my thinking is faulty, just speak out. Then let us examine if you have a point. There is no guarantee that a family leaving for another country will be alive to rejoin their children. If they don't come back, would I feel easy about it? Not at all. I would feel more pain than if I had gone on that mission, and I would send my own children in their place. Do you feel that this is wrong thinking?
You have to really test your seriousness. Every day I am that serious. Everything has an end. When we become successful in the war against Moscow, the time will come when we can enjoy life with our families. Then even if you want to work I will say you have already done enough.
Americans are free to travel to Russia, aren't they? You can enter the country and have a fair amount of protection. It may be likely that suddenly a few blessed couples will disappear, and no one knows where they have gone. We have to be ready for that day.
When I came to America, do you think I just drifted into this country? I thought day in and day out, planning courses of action. One reason the State Dept. is afraid of me is because no other American can do what I do. There is no yardstick to measure me and people cannot predict me. Even today there are many threats on my life, but what is the use of telling you if you are not serious? You all have to think and plan for survival in every case, even individual plans.
I have to worry about all family affairs, and about world tradition, and about education for the children. No one has as many headaches as I do. You basically just have to worry about your own family. Do you prefer an order to do something you like, or to do something you never even imagined? Can you foretell developments in the spirit world? No, it catches you by surprise. Can you imagine how many tests I had to pass in the spirit world? Just imagine how difficult it would be.
I tell you that you would have the urge to run away a thousand times if you faced such a test. Imagine how much it took me by surprise; I never even thought about it. But after I went through a few tests I began to develop a vision about how a country's course would be. I have been consistent in criticizing; I have even said I would not see Carter if he asked me. Every time I say such things I know Carter hears about them.
Just as I gave 100% attention to what God was doing, you must pay 100% attention to what I am doing. How can you inherit my works if you are indifferent to what I do? Ours is a three-level organization -- first myself, then you, and then your sons and daughters. I am responsible to see that you are all trained right. You have to train your own children, teaching them that Mother and I, as grandparents, love them more than you, their parents, do. That tradition will be passed down; your children will educate their children that you, their grandparents, love them more than their parents do.
In today's culture things are different; the grandparents' generation and parents' generation are moved out, and now it's the individual. You must teach your children that they should know their grandparents, in this case True Parents, more than they know their own parents. You will teach your children how your parents brought you up, plus how the grandparents brought up their grandchildren, plus how you brought your own sons and daughters up. Thus they will know more about their grandparents than you do, because you have only experienced them raising you, while your children will know not only that but how the grandparents raised their grandchildren.
So the relationship of grandparents and grandchildren is actually closer than parents and children. Basically there is little chance that they will meet Mother and me, so a picture is a good medium to use to teach them.
How to cope with your circumstances, centering on an individual, with the fall in mind, is an important thing. Someone in a relationship is bound to have the subject position. That subject should be able to come to an accurate conclusion about the environment. This is true of all situations. America has a certain set of circumstances. Even in a dancing hall the subject-object relationship must be confirmed. If you work for a company you have to maintain that relationship.
True Mother and Hyung-jin, (April 22, 1980)
In school you also have that orderly relationship. You belong to a class in which the teacher is subject. Who will be the leader of the class? It will be the one whose thought is deep and encompassing enough to provide leadership. We would like to be people who are welcomed by their circumstances. Certainly everyone who comes in contact with you should welcome you. You advance and improve your situation in family and society, and the first prerequisite is to be popular.
What if America is a downhill environment? Then you have to replace it with a better set of circumstances, supplementing what is there. You have to replace that relationship with a present (better?) relationship. By doing so you will develop a new relationship which is desirable. The person who is developing always satisfies these conditions.
Let us take, as an example, the Unification Church as an environment. You haven't seen anything like this in the everyday world -- this is where all races become equal and feel at home. You must stand in such a way that the environment will help you in your endeavors. You must have right relationships of subject and object. Then you have to provide the best direction and leadership ideas; you have to be able to show the best ideas to other people.
We conclude that when people all look up to you because you can be helpful to everyone in a subjectobject relationship, then such a person is about to advance. My whole life has been lived in the Unification Church, leading, blessing, raising members, so my society is the Unification Church. Yet when I go to a Buddhist society, which is wholly different, I apply this principle. I become humble to learn what they are doing and adapt to it as fast as possible. You have to learn even secular things, though they may not help you personally too much.
You know that wherever I go I look great, but I can be most becoming to the ordinary people. Because of my experience and suffering, I know how to honor that situation. When I go to a foreign country I grasp their way of living and doing things, and I rearrange my steps to match the rhythm of life there. I make sure that I make myself the best object to the subject there, and I am confident that I can do so.
When you respect and honor such a subject, you cannot help becoming close, and then it is natural to consult each other. When gradually that person will begin to honor you and recognize your superior sense. Then eventually he will follow you. I work out a perfect rhythm when I go visit a Senator or Congressman. I don't boast and criticize them. I don't even think that. I don't think that someone's smoking is harmful to him and get outraged, but I strike a match for him. My mind is broad enough to do that.
This is actually the rule and law of society. No matter how evil or disagreeable circumstances might be, if you oppose them then your route of advancement will be blocked and you will be isolated. Imagine you are sent to jail. In a typical Oriental jail, there is a bucket for a bathroom. The most recent arrival sits closest to the bucket, and as other people come you move further away. It is a smelly place to sit. Even though I know I am going to change the environment, if I immediately disregard the rules of the environment it will never work. That's the principle which forms a society.
Fishermen have their own rules and customs, so I become friends with them when I go fishing. If I fish with greater enthusiasm and expertise than the professionals then gradually they will come to respect me and listen to me. Whenever you go into another set of circumstances, the first thing you must do is find the relationship of subject and object. You do that so eventually you can educate your subject. First you must form the right relationship with him so you can do that. That's the basic pattern of my action everywhere I go.
Everywhere I go I am confident that within three years I can win people over and teach them what is necessary. I am confident that I can share a boat with anyone.
It is a basic rule that you must immediately rut to use when you find yourself in new circumstances. This is a secret to use so you will be sure to inherit. When I look at Neil Salonen, this is my criterion how does he adapt himself? Of course, he functions as president, but I think what would happen if I sent him to be an MFT commander? Would he run away or refuse to do it? Then he would flunk the course. If Neil [Salonen] were me and he told me to go to MFT, I would smile and go without hesitation. I would feel it would widen my area of influence. First I would learn the daily schedule and life of the experienced members, but after a few days I would ask if that was the best way, and have some suggestion to offer. Then I would compete.
Wherever I go I immediately become friends not only with high-ranking people but with everyday people. I can speak well in a quiet low-voiced conversation, which is a sign of intimacy. Then I can deal with every problem. This is a rule that always works, so it is the way of making relationships. I not only had training in the company of grandmothers, but tested how fast I could eat, counting off the seconds. Pretty soon I was accustomed to that, and then I learned how to take 30 minutes or one hour to eat a meal. It is difficult to do it you are not accustomed to it.
Soon you will find that everyone else follows your pattern, eating, dressing and sleeping like you do. By the time I am acquainted with her I am in a position to guide her to a better way of life.
God will do the same thing. When God visits the butterflies, He doesn't demand that they respect Him as their creator; He dances with the butterflies for a few minutes and tunes in first: If God will visit a community of fools He will act a perfect fool. If the butterfly leaves and pays no attention to Him, He will wait until it comes back, or if He really wants a relationship He will follow it. This is a secret and you should never think light of it. I have followed it year after year and it never fails.
If you visit a gathering of sparrows, make believe you are a sparrow and imitate them pecking your food and chirping. Feel like you are one with them.
When you meet someone, find some real good points in him; don't be stingy until you praise him. If you praise him then he is happy because not many people recognize him. So when he goes up then he brings you with him, even if you refuse to go. Then he will take you to the most secret place he has reserved for himself. That is another secret you should remember. Wherever I go, the first thing I do is tune into the rhythm. When I play with children, I do as they do. Let them ride on you.
That way you make yourself welcome by the environment. Once you are welcomed, don't lose a minute establishing the right relationship between subject and object. Do you have any exception to this? If you can do it within the Unification Church and society, everyone will say that you are a well-adapted man. When I go to a labor camp, where everyone brings their lunch in a box, I can get so close to the people that within three days they will want me to share their lunch.
I accept any circumstances gladly, thinking it is a precious training ground for me, and if I pass this stage of training then something more fantastic is waiting. You can be the king of the labor camp if you prove yourself useful. First you have to be welcomed. Secondly, make the right relationship between subject and object. What is your ultimate goal? To educate and leave a better way of life. That way you are in harmony with the environment. Fighting in nature always loses.
Fundraising is a great challenge, and it is a basic activity all our young members do. If people start out at 6 then you start out 1/2 hour earlier and do longer than they do. The best time to catch some sleep is while the van is moving. If you meet the situation enthusiastically, you won't get tired. Next, find out who is your subject and who is your object, and learn from the experienced person. In training myself I followed this route all the time, and today I find myself useful in the most complex situations of leading the Church.
If you go to high society you ought to be able to do that. Though you may not be a great dancer, you at least have to be able to keep the same rhythm they do. You already know how Orientals sit. Your legs don't bend as readily, so you stretch your legs out, but stretching your legs out in front of a stranger or someone older than you are is very impolite. If you do the same as Orientals do they will notice that your legs get stiff because they know how it feels, and then they will tell you to go ahead and stretch your legs out. Then you can smile and laugh. After that no one will ever accuse you of being unadaptable. Then they will enjoy seeing you stretch out your legs.
When you go to Rome, you become a Roman; when you go to Greece you become a Greek. Wherever you go, adapt yourself there and be welcomed by society. This is a formula that always works. When it is right you recite a poem, and if you do it with the right emotion it is really soothing. If you know that a man has a habit of writing long, witty letters to his wife, then write in your own words and ask him what he thinks of it. If he likes it enough you can tell him to send it in his own name. Sometimes a person gets tired of his own way of writing and he welcomes a change. Then he will begin to open up his mind.
When I visited the dentist I noticed he was very absorbed and busy, so when he was busy with me I snuck his handkerchief out of his pocket, and as I was leaving said to him, "You were so wrapped up in what you were doing that you didn't even notice I took your handkerchief" And he burst out laughing. No one can hate you for that.
This is not done overnight. You have to train yourself, and after a few years you will be confident and never be pushed around. You will lead the circumstances in the best possible way; you know you will be welcome and feel at ease; you know you can find out everyone else's problem and you know you can help. Even though ordinary people don't do this, for sure blessed couples should do this. Starting today put this into practice. You will need that ten, twenty years from now.
When you look at a position higher than you, welcome and climb over it. When you are about to be sent down to a position you never imagined having, then applaud that. When a person is terribly sad and unhappy, you must be able to cry. The only way to console a sad person is to become sadder than he. What else can you do? You don't need to be a great scholar to do these things. Even if you didn't graduate from high school, if you have the ability to harmonize with other people, God will absolutely come to you often.
If I need to, I can become good friends with a housewife on the way to the market. By the time we get there we will be friends. How? While we are walking there I would say, "I saw you buying such and such on your last trip to the market." She would be surprised and ask, "How do you know?" I would say, "What do you mean, how do I know? I know. And the time before that you bought such and such, and down a certain aisle and checked out." She would be really surprised and ask, "How did you know?" "Don't you know we have a common friend, so and so? I know you are good friends." "Who is she?" "Oh, it is too embarrassing for her. I won't tell. If you feel as close to me as I would to you, maybe I'll tell you." Then she could not help but say, "Next time you go to the market I will tag along with you." "Well, you don't have to tag along with me; next time I will escort you to the market." Then it is natural that we walk together and she won't mind if I go along next time.
If you pay enough attention, there are hundreds of ways of knowing what she bought before. "You paid with a $50 bill." "How did you know?" She would be amazed. Always follow the same steps as the environment and don't be isolated. To be a leader you must have that kind of ability. You have to purposely train yourself for that. You may have heard of Mr. [Ryoichi] Sasakawa, a Japanese tycoon. He really likes me. We went into a hotel together and I asked if his bedroom had a spare bed, and would he mind if I moved into his room and slept there. One time I took him to the bath and washed his back there, and I just banged on him. It is customary to get some massage there, but I just pounded on him. He exclaimed, "That hurts!" "You may be accustomed to a nice soft massage,':' I said, "But I never formally learned how to massage. Show me how you would do it."
After that there is nothing you cannot do and you will be very close to each other for a few years. That's the best thing that can happen. You talk about romance, humanity, what better humanity can you imagine? Do you think it is a most natural and nice way to get to be friends with each other? Then you can start speaking your philosophy right away. Attune to the circumstances right away and establish the subject-object relationship quickly; this is the best way of life there is. Don't you think this is an important ability to have to be a good leader or good follower?
It is a foolish man who tries to use his authority to proclaim himself and make people follow his way. You ought to know how to adapt yourself quickly and be welcomed by the environment. At the end of a ten-hour talk, now I get the conclusion... I see that some people are about to burst inside, just as though they were chewing on a bitter insect or pill. How nice it is to be positive and jovial, to experience this as a precious experience.
Is what I am saying timely? If you adopt this formula quickly, locating who is subject and object. You have to say, "To you the subject I will be a truthful object." You might say, "You spoke twelve or thirteen hours only on the march to Moscow. Don't you have other plans than that?" I will comment, "You don't look so stylish, but the way you think is superb." Why can't you say, "Father, now I know you better, and I completely agree with you. The only complaint I have is that you are not doing enough. If I were you I would do more. If I do, would you let me do the work?" If you ask me to help you do that, I would say YES. Then we can extend our world and have much in common.
Were you apprehensive about what I would say to you, or were you happy to all get together after such a long time that I should do this and I knew it was absolutely necessary. So I took the opportunity today...
I can give any kind of order to you, but at the same time I can receive any kind of order from someone else. This is a piece of really valuable advice, which you should never forget.
If your husband walks into your room, tired and with slumping shoulders, and you are just waking up from your nap, expecting him to love you, you should never be angry that he is shrinking like that. Instead, though you are angry, never show it, but greet him, give him ' massage, and so on. If he won't let you make him comfortable by taking his socks off, for instance, then just tackle him and take his socks off with your teeth. No husband could stay upset with that.
Again, when the wife is in a bad temper, as usual, be very peaceful and don't show your emotions. You come up with the best result by doing so. Once you achieve the subject-object relationship then it doesn't matter who is what -- you are one. Then the superior one will lead and the inferior one follow. If you go to a children's world you do that with a child. It is absolutely necessary. Just imagine how rich your life will be after you adopt this way.
If you walk into a shop with this feeling, the sales person will be ready to give you good service because she feels at ease. She will point out good buys and maybe help give you a discount.
This applies to every part of life, both in the Church and outside. Some people don't smile unless they really feel like it, but they should practice smiling more. Sometimes I might see someone with a blank expression and then imitate it. When they ask me what I am doing, I tell them I like their expression and am imitating them. That is going right into your circumstances.
If you practice this for three years then you will experience enormous development. So three years from now if you have changed a great deal, show me how you have changed. Even in your loving, you have to do the same. Do you ever take into consideration everything, both your mood and hers? This applies everywhere, in every activity.
After you make that a habit, how good it is and you come to like it. It is ridiculous for an old man to stay in an old place all the time and a young man to stay in a young place all the time; you have to be able to go to a young, old or in-between place at will. If you feel like old, go ahead and stay there. If you feel like young, by all means come down there.
If you don't find that interesting circumstances, you look for that, everywhere you can find. When you want to be close to a dying man, you have to make believe that you are also dying. Those who are sure you got my message, raise your hands. From now on when I introduce a project excitedly would you stick out your lip and insist you aren't part of it? Or would you ask for more and volunteer to do it with me?
When you master this skill then you are master of all your circumstances, all of America. This is why when I went to England it never appeared to be a strange country. Mrs. Won Pok Choi once remarked that in England my audience was so intensely attuned to me, and asked how I could do that. She said they are a bit different from Americans, but I never failed to keep their full attention. The first night I walked in and spoke to the members as if I had been speaking to them for twenty years. How can I do that? Mrs. Choi really wondered. I am now telling you that it was the result of training myself on purpose.
Those who have been fighting each other regularly, raise your hands. After you know this precious secret, will you fight for years to come? You men must know that women show their unhappiness in small things.
I am sorry that I kept you until 11, but you gained and have learned this formula.
It's good for the blessed couples to get together once in a while and spend time with Father. We do that by region, maybe -- East Coast, West Coast because it's not practical to travel all the way from the West Coast to the East Coast. You never know who will be coming. You might think I am coming, but then you find Mr. Pak coming, or Col. [Bo Hi] Pak or Rev. [Chung Hwan] Kwak; you never know who will talk to you. I may go; I may not. I don't know either.
It's really good for the family to be harmonious and get together. Until the year of 1981, which is the end of the third seven-year course, I cannot help you. If I helped you then you would find it to be a burden instead of a help, such a condition of indemnity. But after that year I can help you and will help you. Especially the old couples, with children getting older and they have absolutely no official source of income; I know that. Persevere for a couple more years. After that I will see to it. Do you understand?
We have to train ourselves in such a way that every day we are open to a new assignment that might be coming. I might decide to open fifty branches of a company, in all fifty states. I feel a few couples can take responsibility for that. And if you manage it the way you should, you should be realizing a new branch every year. For couples that are working in HSA, or in various public ways, I will make a salary system and give living expense per child. The income from all these stores should be enough to go around to all the blessed couples who are on public assignment.
I am quite optimistic that it should be enough income for all of you, to see your children through college. I have been working on it for a long time; especially this year I really see the possibility. With confidence in that, please do your best and think about the will of God.
I know the old members have gone through impossible stages, yet you should never be a burden to newly joined young family members. For the special expense of childbirth, I will consider HSA supporting half the expense, perhaps. We will put aside some fund for that, provided the couple works for a public assignment.
It's not something that you can forget about and work out somehow. I realize it is a serious matter, especially when you are occupied with public work and cannot work at will. I know it becomes a serious problem. All of the Korean blessed couples have no problem by now. Everyone is getting a salary, their own living. Japan, again, is no problem. I didn't help them to buy a house, but they have no problem to support themselves in Japan. The problem is America. We are so limited in time that we cannot go out and get a job; I know that. I have been thinking seriously about providing the means.
Brian Hill, Henry Masters, stand up. They have been here, spending almost two years now separated from their families. They have finished their research; they are about to finish the final draft of a fiberglass boat, a yacht as well as fishing vessel -- not with steel or wood, but fiberglass. That has a great future, and they are really pioneering. They really worked in an incredible way, and they have mastered all the skill and data already.
Originally, I planned to buy 60 of the smaller craft, 26 foot. Now, thanks to their research, they are quite confident that they can make our own brand at half the cost of each boat.
Especially when you meet them in the halls you ought to encourage and thank them. The couples in America who are in a more central position should pay visits to them and invite them for dinner in their home. Just for the sake of perfecting this fiberglass boat they separated from their families and came to America. The Koreans and Japanese are better at that, and the Americans should start to learn that. When couples come from Korea, Japan or Europe for permanent assignments then you ought to make note of that. Headquarters should make a note of that, and pay a visit every now and then.
When American families go to Japan or Korea, for semi-permanent assignment, the director of blessed family affairs should write an official letter and send it to the other national blessed couple departments.
After the third seven-year course is over, I will hold regular international blessed couple meetings and will discuss all the things of common concern. Don't you think this is necessary? We have to talk seriously about helping underdeveloped countries that need help in basic areas, like hygiene. We will be concerned about our World Relief Foundation. All the couples will solicit aid materials and they will be sent to a country.
It has been customary in this country to receive incredible donations of finished goods and merchandise. If I really focused on it, I feel confident that I could fill the East Sun building completely with aid material in 6 months with first-rate goods. We will soon have a program of exchange visitation between countries. When the guests come Mr. [Neil] Salonen will provide them with lodging, and in later years you should be able to take pride in how many guest couples have slept in your home. We have to think about these things all the time, and this is good preparation. Have you ever invited some of the Korean and Japanese couples who have been in this country a long time to come and spend a few hours with you? If you have lunch together it doesn't have to be a feast, but just slightly better than what you would ordinarily have. Imagine how much closer you will become by doing that. Don't you think this is necessary to promote closeness?
We should practice that our homes are always open to any families that are traveling through. Strictly speaking it is your brother's house, so you should not feel like you were entering a stranger's home and be embarrassed. Then over a meal you talk about America, about fundraising goals, and ask what they do in their country. How is home church coming along there. We have so much to exchange, and how good it is to know each other like this. We must always think for the future to have a closeness.
To have a well-to-do life or a very poor life is actually out of place. There is nothing disgraceful about sleeping on the floor; you don't have to sleep on a bed every night. It is our philosophy that we can be proud even in a poor standard of living. Being well to do is rather a source of disgrace than pride. I remember going to Chicago and seeing Mrs. [Patty] Pumphrey arrive in a beaten-up jalopy that rattled. I wasn't embarrassed at all about riding in it. I still remember it deeply. If I don't mind that, why should any Unification Church member mind if their car or living room is not so nice?
It is mind and heart which matters. I can make myself comfortable in any circumstances, any shabby setting. To let a guest couple stay in a hotel or motel is a downright disgrace; share your lodging up to a month or week, whatever. We should feel pride in doing so. Make a beginning and then keep practicing it.