Mother’s Testimony

Sun Myung Moon and Hak Ja Han Moon
At True Parent’s Wedding Anniversary
May 3, 1977, East Garden
Translator: Bo Hi Pak

Bo Hi Pak:

Would you like to hear Mother’s testimony? Father asked her to give you her testimony and also tell you some of her own feelings on this wedding anniversary.

Hak Ja Han Moon (Mother):

I would like to talk for a few moments on the background of my birth. Those who listened to Father’s sermon at Belvedere last Sunday should have recognized that there were many special dispensational events that took place, secretly, internally, in order to welcome the True Parents here on earth. In Korea there were many special spiritual groups which were unlike the conventional Christian churches which just blindly believed in the Bible and Jesus Christ, hoping to go to heaven. Those spiritual groups existed solely to receive revelations from God to prepare the way for the Lord of the Second Advent here on earth, and to search to find the heavenly bride.

Mother was born in such circumstances to a very special spiritual family which had constantly been the instrument of God, receiving revelations of the coming of the Lord and the New Day, and what would unfold once he came.

[Mother was overcome with tears]

Sun Myung Moon (Father):

Mother is very sorrowful because looking back to those days she remembers the impossible tribulation that those people, including Mother’s own mother, went through. Those people who were receiving God’s revelation had to suffer in so many incredible ways. They paved the way of indemnity, and many died in very unfortunate circumstances, sometimes in Prison.

Mother:

I was also sorrowful to once again think that those heavenly chosen instruments who were absolutely dedicated to God’s revelations and whose one hope was to some day meet the Messiah, never saw that day.

Bo Hi Pak:

They had truly prepared everything for the coming of the Lord, even food and clothes.

Mother:

God had precisely unfolded to them His plan for sending His son here on earth, and under untold hardships they prepared for the day of the Lord. But unfortunately they did not see that day, and one after another they died. Yet their mission continued on for three generations. At the culmination of one group which had such revelations, I was born. The final spiritualist to inherit the mission of unfolding God’s plan to send his son here on earth recognized me at the age of six, and she said that I would be the bride of the Lord.

Bo Hi Pak:

That woman received constant revelation and confirmation from God that this young lady, less than six years old, was destined to be the bride of heaven.

Mother:

In those days the circumstances in Korea were so difficult that it was almost impossible for anyone to maintain his faith in God and Christ.

Bo Hi Pak:

We were at that time under the Japanese occupation and they denied all religions, particularly Christianity. Mother was living in North Korea at that time, which was under particularly rigid control. The Japanese imperialist government was suppressing all Korean activities, and particularly church activities.

Mother:

I was born in the province of south Pyongyang. We call this Pyongyang Nam Do.

Bo Hi Pak:

This is one of the provinces of North Korea now. It is the same province where Father was born, and Mother’s birthplace was quite near to Father’s own birthplace in Chung-ju. They were born on the same day. Without ever meeting Father, her group still had all these spiritual revelations while Mother was in North Korea. Father has mentioned that these ordained, spiritual groups were primarily in North Korea at that time. It was predicted that Pyongyang, the major city of the northern part of Korea would be the new Jerusalem of the New Age. Christianity was very strong in that area.

Mother:

I did not meet Father in North Korea; after fleeing from the north to the south. I first met Father in Seoul when I was 13. I had just finished primary school and was just a child, about In Jin’s age. I had just finished sixth grade.

Bo Hi Pak:

Of course at that time Mother had absolutely no idea what was going to happen in 1960. She had just joined the church with her own mother.

Mother:

The first time I met Father, he looked at me and asked, "What is your name?" I answered, "My name is Hak Ja Han." Then Father closed his eyes and meditated for a moment and said, almost to himself, but I could still hear, "Oh, God, You have given such a woman, Hak Ja Han, to this country of Korea." At that time I felt strange that this religious leader should have a special feeling or revelation concerning my own future.

At that time I was living in the northeastern part of South Korea known as Chunchon, and Father had his headquarters in the Church at Chungpa dong, in Seoul, so there was quite a distance between us. I continued to attend church and go to school; I finished middle school and then went on to high school. In 1960, one month prior to the day of the blessing, which was March 16 by the lunar calendar, a formal notification came to me, saying, "You shall hereby prepare for a heavenly engagement and forthcoming wedding ."

Bo Hi Pak:

This first heavenly proposal was more than a proposal; it was a heavenly mandate.

Mother:

When this instruction came from Father I felt totally selfless. I felt, "Who am I to decide whether this is good or bad? So far my life has been governed directly by God. Whatever the will of God, whatever His purpose or dispensation, I shall be His servant. I shall obey in everything." That was my feeling.

Father knew me well. Particularly in those days, at the age of 18, in that early springtime I just did not want to analyze the situation. I wanted to totally give myself for the heavenly will. At that time I had a reputation of being rather on the quiet side. I enjoyed tranquillity and quietness, reading and music. I was known also as a rather intellectual young lady. I was not too emotional, not excitable. In a way I seemed slightly chilly and cold toward strangers who met me. My basic character was not outgoing. I always withheld myself and isolated myself from the outside world. I enjoyed my own world and was almost scornful of the world of men.

Bo Hi Pak:

Everyone recognized her brilliant academic ability, but at that time she almost lived like a nun. She shied away from all activities with men, and felt it was somewhat sinful and impure to even just look at men. She was like a beautiful flower in a greenhouse and absolutely isolated herself from the external environment. Of course we know now that this was a heavenly preparation to purify her to meet the Lord one day. However she had not known all these things.

Mother:

From an external perspective, knowing who Father is, people commonly come to the conclusion that I must feel very honored and be very happy to have Father as my husband. They think that God made me in such a way that I was born perfect and that I haven’t had to make any effort. They think that I just met Father and we had a very happy family life, and I am just enjoying my position, and so forth.

This is the general view when people see me. But on the contrary, as much as Father walked the road of the cross and tribulation to be ordained in his position, I was also given an incredible cross to bear in order to become Mother. I had to reach for perfection. That standard is so high that sometimes I felt it was virtually impossible to reach the goal. Through that tremendous ordeal and hardship, patience, perseverance and extraordinary faith were needed to achieve the expectation of God. (Again Mother wept.)

Bo Hi Pak:

When she thinks of the path she walked it automatically brings her to tears because it reminds her of all her hardships and tribulations. This is why, as you can see, Mother is very emotional and sorrowful this morning. Just thinking of the things she passed through is incredible torture. God tested her again and again, just as much as God tested our Father. Satan was always trying to test her just as he tested Jesus and Father. This delicate young lady had to go through the same ordeals; it is all given in a secret chapter of history. But once we have even a glimpse of such implications, knowing the Principle we can just imagine how hard her path was.

Mother:

After just a glimpse of my mission of being married to such an extraordinary person who was carrying such a universal burden, I felt it was virtually impossible to even think of fulfilling it.

Bo Hi Pak:

Furthermore she had grown up like a beautiful flower in a greenhouse, in the most peaceful surroundings and atmosphere. She felt almost like she had been plucked out of the greenhouse and thrown into a desert. There were all kinds of temptations and tests and all kinds of incredible political and spiritual circumstances around her. She was like a little ship in a rugged sea.

Mother:

But during this period I felt the grace of God constantly upon me. When I was in agony God revealed Himself to me and gave me messages and guidance. When I was not receiving such guidance from Him directly God used the people around me, loving people, protecting people. Through them God gave me constant guidance, daily instruction, and leadership. Those days were a tremendous ordeal of difficulties and tribulations, but at the same time those days were truly most beautiful, a time of grace when God’s presence was indeed with me. Now that I have come to this point, when I look back, all those memories of hardship have turned into joy, something that I can converse about and have fellowship with Father over.

Bo Hi Pak:

Between Father and Mother there are endless subjects of conversation, limitless realms of understanding. Even though they don’t talk too much they understand each other’s situation so deeply because the circumstances which they have each passed through are very similar. They understood one common purpose and they persevered and were victorious. They overcame the difficulties, reached out for perfection, came up to that level, and now satanic infiltration is no longer possible. When Father and Mother see each other they have such a victorious feeling, and that gives them tremendous comfort and peace at this time.

Through her experiences Mother has learned so much about God and God’s way of doing things. She passed thorough hell as well as heaven. Both experiences were needed to make her perfect and mature enough to match heavenly expectation. If she had lived through only the joyful and heavenly side she would not have appreciated that heaven, but she also went through the bottom of hell. Sometimes she felt that it was impossible to continue, just absolutely impossible! Such situations were too numerous to even count. During those days what was needed was untiring faith, determination, perseverance and patience. Those made her what she is today. By the same token, she would like to give you the following message:

Mother:

On your way to heaven you must not experience only the heavenly side. You must taste the dungeons of hell, too. That will finally be the most precious part of God’s grace. By doing so you will become strong and you can mature all around into a wholesome personality, God’s personality. Then you will appreciate heaven better and some day you will have something you can be proud of your record of victory and perseverance. It will give you pride.

Even in the last couple of days, during the fishing expedition which Father took you on, there may sometimes have been a moment, even a quick moment, when you thought in your mind, "Why is Father asking us to do this silly, impossible thing? Who would go in the water in this weather? It is so deep we may die." I am sure that every one of you had a glimpse of such thoughts.

That is the moment when you must not react quickly; you must not make a hasty judgment. That is the moment you must call on the name of God, and think, "This is the time I must prove how worthy I am." Then the difficulty can become a joy. You can find a joy in going through that ordeal. My message is that you must be persevering and not make quick judgments. Do not react quickly. Then all your ordeals can turn into joy, into something to be proud of.

My tears this morning have two meanings: sorrow, but not only sorrow, also the joy of victory to be here with Father this way. In the future I would like to shed only tears of joy, so I ask all of you to not ask me about the past from this time on. Let us only talk about our victorious future and our great vision of the great days to come. Let us rejoice in tears of joy for the future days that we will gather together. Thank you.

Father:

Before the heavenly wedding in 1960, for more than 15 years I was alone, single-minded for the mission. Yet everyone who knew the Divine Principle knew that I would marry some day. That was apparent to everyone and each woman received in her own way a revelation that she could be a candidate to be the bride of heaven. God revealed this to them because in a certain respect everyone takes the bride’s role to the Messiah. Therefore God can certainly say to anyone, "You shall be a candidate for the heavenly bride." But through the Divine Principle we can see that also one physical person will culminate that prophecy, and that is Mother.

Knowing the Divine Principle, I am sure that you can understand that when God sent His son in the position of True Parent that the Messiah is truly the bridegroom of mankind. The Messiah is in a position of bridegroom to all. Therefore, God wanted to have him adored by more people than anyone else in history. God must set that record, and for that reason this kind of phenomenon was seen. This was the background of the heavenly wedding, and then all of a sudden I chose Mother, who was in Chunchon at that time and who was relatively unknown to church members, as the heavenly bride. You can imagine the shock wave that went through our church.

There were many families who believed that the heavenly bride might come out of their own home because of the revelations they had received. Not only one family but many firmly believed that. Think what a shocking event it was to those families to have Mother chosen. There were also many spiritual old ladies who were like prophetesses. I had listened to them as instruments of heavenly revelation on many occasions, and they had participated in many dispensational roles. Therefore they felt a certain pride and authority, and felt that they were the ones who would decide the bride of heaven. But all of a sudden, without consulting them I chose Mother.

So many young women who were fully qualified from a worldly point of view were sure that they were the one who would be hand-picked. They were beautiful, had graduated from universities and had all kinds of social education and a good home background. They thought, "The Messiah must come to me. Someone like me shall become his bride."

Furthermore, in 1960 I was 40, a most significant providential age. In their own thinking the people concluded that the heavenly bride should be somewhere around 35, maybe 34 or 30. As a result the people in that age group thought that they were the most blessed age group and that one of them would be chosen.

In addition they knew that the role of heavenly bride would be a role of tremendous leadership. How could any young woman, a teenager or someone in her twenties, fulfill that position? How could she exercise the leadership that would be needed in Mother’s role? It would be impossible. Thinking of Mother’s role in the church, they thought the candidate should be mature, somewhere between 30 and 40. Again, it was a very logical conclusion.

Since their hopes were so great and their expectations so high, when those hopes and expectations were betrayed their reaction was equally deep. Their disappointment and disenchantment was great. This is the first time I have spoken of this.

Knowing about this impossible, tense background, as soon as the holy wedding was conducted in 1960. I asked Mother’s mother to confine herself; she was not to come see her own daughter too often, or if she did she should come secretly through the back door. That put Mother’s mother in such a miserable, cast-out position that nobody envied her role. Everyone had thought that becoming Mother’s mother would be glorious, like being the mother of an empress. But I just silenced all those expectations and pushed her into a sacrificial role, not even letting her come to see her daughter freely.

Furthermore, in the first year I treated Mother almost like a servant instead of my wife. We were bride and bridegroom but that honeymoon period was nothing but an ordeal on Mother’s part. She started out as a servant because I wanted her to start out from the very bottom.

The important internal meaning behind my actions in that period was a test of faith was a test of faith for Grandmother and Mother. No matter what the circumstances, they should not complain or rebel against me. They had to accept and persevere. That was the real goal, what I really wanted. And they met that expectation.

It was the Cain and Abel situation all over again. In order to understand Cain’s position you have to suffer for the sake of Cain or you have no way to become Abel. Grandmother and Mother were in the Abel position to all other people, but they had to be in a position to embrace all those who are despondent. I was already victorious in all the dispensational levels, from the individual to the universal level; Satan had no right to accuse me. However, Mother was at the beginning, so the first seven years were Mother’s training session, Mother’s seven-year fishing expedition. The first three years were for her to struggle for her own victory as an individual woman, to be victorious in the sight of God by winning over Satan. The next four years were for the whole family to go through that incredible testing period. Mother started out at the bottom, moving toward perfection.

During those years, all kinds of things were said, even that mother was a failure, and that I was going to hand-pick a new bride. You can imagine how heartbreaking that kind of rumor was to Mother. Furthermore, when it came out that our birthdays were the same day, some people accused her saying, "She is just creating a false birthday to make the days the same." It was all Satan’s doing. Under those circumstances Mother had to be silent, persevere and win.

As the days and years passed, what happened? Since Mother continually persevered, since she was patient and silent and maintained her faith in me, eventually the whole environment of accusation was reversed into respect and admiration. By then everyone was nodding and saying, "She really deserves to be Mother of the universe. She really is Mother."

Because the reason for all this was to restore the center of love, you can imagine how extreme the passions became. Heavenly love and heavenly jealousy were all involved. It was a fierce battle in a way. I came to conquer love and restore love for God, to conquer the heart, and restore the heart. Therefore I had to pay indemnity for love, be victorious over love, and restore all love for heaven. That was truly a cross of love, the most extraordinary cross of all.

At the time we never even discussed these situations. I never said to Mother, "You must understand this, persevere and win because I am doing this on purpose." If I had explained and comforted in that way, then even though she had won, it would not have been valuable. Mother had to figure it our herself, persevere in her own understanding, in her own right. I have been explaining this in depth, revealing it today to you as I never have even to Mother; this is the first time in my life that I have explained it in such depth.

Through their victorious demonstration of faith, their untiring devotion and absolute dedication to me, Mother and Grandmother Hong were victorious. Therefore, after achieving this condition of universal victory, I have now decided to give Grandmother glory as mother of Mother. In her own lifetime she must receive the respect, admiration, and glory that are due her. If she died without receiving that glory, it would affect the coming generation of children. It is according to the Principle point of view that I am now treating her differently.

The restoration path is that difficult, that extraordinary. You don’t know anything about it. Your heart will decide everything; your heart is the decisive matter. It is the same in my own dispensation. When my own heart is set right then everything can succeed, prosper, and expand. By the same token, when your heart is set in the right position in relation to the True Parents and God, then everything will start to work out around you. Until your heart is settled, however, nothing will happen.

As you can see, Mother and Grandmother were both chosen for a glorious responsibility and position, but they started out their journey at the lowest level. This is your lesson. The blessing of the glorious heavenly throne is not given from the highest, most glorious position. That blessing must be won at the lowest level of human misery. The it will endure eternally and will embrace all humankind. Blessings never come in high places; blessings come to you in the lowest places.

The other Sunday I clearly explained that the Messiah’s role started down in the dungeon. I applied that principle to Mother, and that same principle shall be applied to my own children. Therefore it cannot be changed for you. That is why I push you. Can you complain? Suppose that in those days of hardship Mother had complained against me and given up, thrown up her hands and said, "Father, no matter what you are, I don’t care." Then she could not be a Mother to you all. In your case, too, if I place you in a certain position and you start to complain, then you lose your position entirely. When you become self-centered and begin to complain, then you begin to lose.

Selflessness is the key.