Rachel Carter
September 20, 1998
Ok, I waited to see if anyone else would write about the meeting at East Garden, people such as Damian etc. Can't wait any longer so I will express my feelings.
I must explain that I don't like to take notes (they will appear from many other sources) I also am not good at remembering exact words, so much as my understanding of what was said, or my feelings. So that is what this is, please understand it as such. I will relate some of the things he said, as I understood them. I will post a second post to express my feelings through all of this.
I arrived at 3 p.m., Father was to speak at 4 p.m.. Nice and early I was able to sit at the front though I moved back to the third row due to a seniority issue.
Father arrived with True Mother. She was wearing the same blue suit she wore on Sunday and Father was wearing a short sleeved, open necked shirt covered in yellow daisies with green centers. He looked so much happier than Sunday, which kinda surprised me, considering 60 minutes had aired between times.
Father began by asking what we thought he had called us for, no one answered, he laughed. Then he asked the church leaders to put up their hands, there were not many, so he checked that we were all Blessed members.
Father proceeded to ask if we had read volumes 11 and 12 of the Hoon Dok Hae series (about spirit world), most had not, he asked how we could call ourselves members. He then asked if we had read Dr. Lee's book and most had so he laughed again.
From this point Father talked about principle, God's heart, true love, sexual organs etc. (details will surely be provided by others). I know most are wanting to hear what he said about the rumors and the TV show.
I can't remember the order of events so this account is merely random memory (sorry but my memory is worse than Clinton's)
Father talked about the early church, the rumors that arose due to curfews and women wanting to hear Father's words, about the anger of husbands, fathers, brothers etc. How some had even beaten Father for taking their women away from them.
Father talked of how he had trained and disciplined himself in the area of his sexuality, how he could lie next to even a naked woman and control himself. He said that he had absolute control of his sexuality.
Father said he had never broken American or Korean laws and yet he was imprisoned and mistreated.
Father said that he never wanted to divorce and should never have had to divorce. If there had not been failures there would have been no need to divorce and start again. (he also mentioned that his first wife and her mother had been Blessed at the last Blessing).
Father said that Adam had been destroyed by a woman, Jesus was destroyed by women and now women were trying to destroy the Lord of the Second Advent, even his own true daughters!
Through all of this Father appeared to me to be hurting. He had tears in his eyes, they became red and his mouth was quivering. I have never seen Father that way. I have seen him cry about God's suffering, but this is the first time I have seen him cry about "his own situation" not selfishly, if you know what I mean.
Father mentioned that Nan Sook had come there when she was 17 (Korean age) and since then he had only really talked to her for an hour at most.
Father said that he spent no time with his children. He asked us "do I love you more or my children more?" I heard him say he loved us more than them, someone else said they thought he said he loved his children more than us!
Father said he had to restore 4,000 years of history in only 40 years. I felt his desperation here, and realized that 40 years was such a short time with so much to accomplish.
Father talked about how after the 360 million couples the world would begin to understand and people would come and repent and repay for all the suffering that True Family had to endure.
Father mentioned at the end that as he announced in "4.4 proclamation" he could pray to God about anyone who unjustly opposed us and they would perish in 7 years but as a parent he would not do that.
Father said not to sympathize with negativity against us. Father said if anyone unjustly spoke against us we should pull their eyeballs out and rip off their mouth, then he laughed and said well we should have that kind of spirit then nothing would happen.
My feelings through all of this:
In the beginning I was crying when I saw Father because I felt so sorry for what he must be going through.
I must admit I was surprised that he was not looking as hurt as the day before, but felt that he was trying to comfort us.
I was expecting him to deal with the questions everyone was asking, though wondering how he would do that. In fact his first question implied to me that he would answer these questions.
So when he went into giving a regular talk I was not sure what to think. I had been talking with some rather "negged out members" (who are my friends) before I went to East Garden and some of what they were saying was in my mind somewhere. It began to surface while Father was speaking. I looked at Father while he was joking about something and began to question. (this is an honest expression of what was going on, I am ashamed of it but I will share it because I think it is important)
When Father came in I was thinking how much I love Father and want to support him but when I started to ask these questions I shocked myself, but I couldn't stop them from coming. I asked: "how can you laugh and joke? this is so serious and members really want to understand. Aren't you going to deal with this? Are you not in touch, is what people are saying true? Is this some kind of snow job?" and then I looked at Peter Kim whom I love dearly and asked "are you in on this, is this a conspiracy? I though you were so honest, how can you translate this speech which is not dealing with the issues?"
As I said I am ashamed of those thoughts.
But then I thought "how can I not give Father the benefit of the doubt? How can I think such things about this man whom I love?" Then I began to see Father again. His warmth and his love, and his total giving. Then he started to talk about his control over sexuality.
I realized Father wasn't going to deal directly with these issues (in fact I was surprised he said as much as he did about True Daughters). I realized that in stating the facts and his own reality and standard, he was answering the questions we all have. He did not say there were or were not concubines. What he did say was that he has an absolute standard. That he has always lived that standard. He said that he has absolute control over his sexuality, that the sexual relationship is for God. He talked of family, of unity between husband and wife. He talked of sacrificing for the world. He said, with tears, that God knows him and God knows how he lives his life. In other words (my words) he was telling us that he doesn't need to say anything, his life is true to God's ideal and God is his judge.
When he talked about not wanting to divorce and that he should not have had to go that way, I felt he was saying that divorce changed his whole course. Divorce meant a failure and a lost foundation that had to be restored. I understood that Elizabeth and Mary and all those women in history were to restore Eve, but the foundation was lost through his divorce and he had to rebuild that foundation. But he only had a short time in which to do it.
At the end of it all Father asked if he had succeeded in comforting our hearts, he was so concerned about us. He asked if he could go to South America now and not worry about us. I felt he wanted to talk with us because he didn't want to leave and find that we all fell to pieces in his absence. I felt that Father was concerned about our faith.
We all tried to encourage him that we were fine and we would go out and do whatever was needed support True Parents.
My conclusion is that we really need to follow the example that Father showed through his talk. We need to go to the basics of our faith, we need to truly read and study Father's words and understand how they relate to this situation. We need to go back and read between the lines and understand the parallels. We need to reflect on and reminisce the times we experienced God's love and how God has also expressed his love through True Father. We need to remember all that Father has sacrificed, remembering what he could have done with his life had he not chosen to follow God's call (he could have been a political leader, a great scholar, any number of things).
We need to remember that Father is our Father, he gave us life, love and lineage. He gave us hope, rebirth, vision. Father has always been there for us. Will we be there for Father? Father has always had hope in us, always trusted us, even when we were totally untrustworthy. Don't we owe him that much in return? Who has shown the most understanding of the heart of God? Father! Are we to say that we understand the Principle better than he? Are we to say that we understand God's providence better than he? I won't.
One of my favorite songs says "for united we stand, divided we fall, for if our backs are against the wall, we'll be together". Please let's stand together and let's support each other. I believe this is the final battle, don't let's give up now.