October 14, 2005
I heard that True Parents are doing another speaking tour. I was so shocked. True Parents just finished a 4 city tour in July, and True Father said that was going to be the last speaking tour in his life. Not only that, but this time they are doing a 100 city tour, not 4 cities, not 50 states, but 100 cities. I was so mad in a way; I kept thinking "Why does He have to do this again?" I also felt so much repentance; Father has to go this way because of our lack of support -- we didn't make enough of a foundation. However, we can't stop True Parents. If something needs to be done for Heavenly Father then Father is going to do it no matter what.
So, after the first speech in New York, we started to read Father's speech at Hoon Dok Hae. I understood the contents of speech, yet unfortunately I couldn't feel like the words were coming from Father; it didn't seem like He was speaking them.
We had been participating in a prayer condition to support True Parents' speaking tour. We pray for seven minutes each night for the victory of the tour and the protection of our True Parents. The night before the speech in Denver (we would all attend the speech there), when we prayed for the condition, I prayed in Korean; something I haven't done in a long time. " Abonim, Omunim,,, chungmal sarang-hamnida. What can I do for you…?" This time, something like ice in my heart melted and my tears flowed freely. The words "Father" and "Abonim" are so different; they represent such different levels of heart. For a long time I had forgotten this heart I had felt for True Parents when I was in Korea; somehow, in America it had been so challenging to feel. Yet, I felt that through this prayer I could connect to this heart again; of closeness and intimacy.
Next day, when we arrived at the hotel where Father would be speaking, I started to feel nervous and excited at the same time. I felt so much anticipation. The ushers said we could sit at any table, so even though I felt totally unworthy, I sat at the second table from stage, because I wanted to see Father's face more closely. After Bishop Stallings' introduction, Fathers stepped on stage! At the first moment I saw Father's face, I felt incredible joy and couldn't stop smiling; I met the person I had been longing for so long. Some people might have thought I was crazy.
During the speech, I couldn't take my eyes off Father. Every single one of my cells were harmonized and moving together with Father's every action. It was so interesting that Father talked about the person who can love someone like crazy. He can carry the person's handkerchief and kiss it all the time. But Father said if Heavenly Father does the same thing to His children. He is not a crazy God, but He is normal. Because I was feeling this same way toward True Father. I couldn't help feeling so strongly that I want to jump up to the stage and give Father a hug and kiss.
In the audience there were very few people who spoke Korean. Almost everyone was listening to the translation from the radio, so they took longer to respond to Father and his jokes or questions. Father said "I say a joke and you laugh twenty minutes later." I felt that the Korean speaking people really needed to respond to Father. However, I felt a little intimidated and hesitated to yell out by myself. I had been taught that women were supposed to be quiet, not generate so much attention, but I decided to yell out anyway, knowing I would regret it later if I didn't. I decided to forget about myself or how others would look at me and just support True Parents. This felt like such an intense, spiritual battle.
I had heard a lot from my elders that Father says important things very quietly, so that Satan cannot hear it. Maybe that's why just little things Father did or said were staying in my heart so clearly. One time Father finished a cup of water and said, "This means that sisters have to prepare another cup of water." He said it just like a joke and quietly.
The next Morning, we attended Hoon Dok Hae with True Parents. Father was giving us a lot of guidance. And one point, Father was trying to drink coffee, but there was no more coffee in the cup. Then, I saw that Father's expression on his face was a little disappointed. That reminded me of yesterday's situation with the water cup. "Oh, Father wants another cup of coffee!" Fortunately, one sister from Denver Church where our team stays was serving Father. So I immediately wrote one note, "I think Father needs another coffee" and passed it down to her.
It seemed like she received it, but for a while nothing was happening. So I thought it was forgotten. I felt that maybe I interfered too much. So I started to focus on Hoon Dok Hae with True Father again. When I had almost forgotten about it, I saw the sister is bringing a new cup of coffee to True Father. I couldn't breathe. Everything was in slow motion. And I saw Father's face looking at the sister and the coffee. I have no words to describe this feeling. And Father said, "I don't know why but this coffee came to me, so I have to enjoy this coffee." At this moment, such a deep feeling came. Father and I didn't say anything to each other, yet somehow we connected. It was such a small Jung-sung I made, but it was tremendous joy.
The deepest joy I can experience comes from making God and True Parents happy. This is the type of joy I want to pursue. I can say with conviction, "I love my True Parents and throughout the rest of my life I want to bring them joy."