Chapter 5
The Matching
True Parents is not a title given only to Mother and myself You all will have to inherit that lineage because you will have children. My power lies in my authority to bequeath this to thousands of families. Will you engaged couples be worthy of that title? Are you confident of becoming worthy? It's not a simple thing. You have to build a foundation, which you don't have yet. It took me almost all my life to build my foundation, but now you are about to create it.
Those who are matched, raise your hands. Think that with your own hands you will make your foundation as an individual, and then when the blessing day comes you can really cherish your own spouse. During that time you will make yourself a perfect man with the love of God, and then as a real man you can really embrace and squeeze your fiancée. If you are saturated with love and power, your spouse will be also. When both of you generate billions of volts, the spark between you will be so tremendous that the entire world will wake up. You will soon encounter that great historical event, so you should prepare for that day. When that happens then God's dispensation will come to a successful end, and your work and career will have a successful end.
Where would you engaged couples go to have your children? Where would you go to dance on a happier day in the future? Wouldn't you be happier returning to the home of your own parents? If you wear the glasses of the Principle then you know you should go to your own home church to celebrate. You cannot be proud of your family all alone, but only in your home church area. After that what would you become in your home church? Not only the true parents of the home church area, but true parents for your own clan.
When you have your own clan, what will you teach them? You must have material and tradition to teach them. That is what you will set in your home church. You will make a textbook or manual of love for your clan in your home church. Even though you leave this earth for the spirit world, you will have written down everything you did. Some crystals are big and others small, but they are all the same in structure and clarity -- everything except size. This is the relationship between your family and my family.
This is the first Sunday in April, and it is almost like the first day of spring. Spring is the time when everything lives again. Like the spring season in nature, I want you to have life welling up in you again. I want you to start a new life from now on. You may have an old idea of home church, but throw it away like winter clothing and have a bright, new home church idea, knowing the relationship of yourself, God and the dispensation.
The Dispensation of Restoration and Myself 4-6-80
Why do I assume the heavy responsibility of matching everyone? I get no money or fee like any other professional. All the criticism comes to me, while all the happy couples feel that they are lucky and are not grateful enough to the True Parents. Why should I volunteer? When I am matching people I can see their futures and what kind of life they will lead. Some people will have tragedy in their life, and in order to prevent such tragedy I must match them with certain types of people. I am not just looking at people horizontally, but vertically.
I have a philosophy of balance in matching -- a harsh person needs to be balanced with someone softer. A weak, soft person needs someone strong. In machines, both hard and soft metals are needed to complement each other. People look only at the surface appearance in evaluating people, but a pretty woman and a handsome man together may lose everything and leave nothing behind. In matching people I try to make a permanent base. I match from the viewpoint of central true love. Sometimes my methods look strange, or labyrinthine, and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But if the end result will be true love, I will go that way.
Liquidation and Blessing 5-18-80
I often hear about your concern for your fiancées, and after a while I cannot help laughing. When people ask when the wedding will take place I laugh again. Do you understand what I am trying to say? You are talking about marriage, but how far along are you in preparation? First you must investigate the tradition which you and your spouse come from, and whether you are charged with ambition to strike forward for true love.
Our Tradition 6-15-80
What matters is the origin of the seed; you do not change once you are born from a certain seed. If the ugliest man comes from a good seed, even though he looks less desirable, he is better than the handsome man from a bad seed. You should be able to say, "God, all that matters is that my spouse is someone You can love, even though he or she is the ugliest person in the world." If God knows you really feel that way, He will not give you an ugly person.
Home Church and Myself 12-14-80
Billions of marriages will take place in the-future, but only a few people will be blessed directly by the True Parents. When the last such couple is alive on earth, will they be valuable or worthless? They will be more valuable than any couple brought together by a king or queen. Do you feel that? Such thinking is realistic, not just dreaming.
Christmas in View of the Will of God 12-25-80
When men and women meet, they are like two perfected mechanisms docking in outer space. The docking is so smooth that there is no destruction at all; there is complete and total unity. This is what your engagement is all about; heavenly docking. This is a new terminology now. When you shake hands with your fiancée, you are docking. As the two hands are united, all five senses are united, and sparks leap from one to the other forming a circuit.
At the Matching the other day, there were two kinds of situations. A black brother said, "Father, I want to marry a beautiful white woman." I asked him why he didn't say, "Father, I will feel truly happy and blessed even if you give me a monkey." If his attitude is like that, my heart will see that he more than deserves the best woman. But he began by saying he wanted the most beautiful, highly-educated, white woman. Then I wondered, "Are you seeking your own benefit? Are you trying to make your fortune in the Unification Church?"
The Blessing From the Viewpoint of the Dispensation of History 1-18-81
Those who do not speak the same language as their fiancées need an interpreter. Can you communicate with sign language? Or love language? Have you ever thought about marrying someone who can't speak at all? Marrying a foreigner with whom you cannot communicate is like marrying a dumb person, and in a way that person is far distant from you. Everything starts with language and communication.
This union with your fiancée is a God-given destiny and you are bound by it.
Who are going to be the most dramatic husbands and wives? Two Americans? Two Europeans? Or two people who don't speak the same language? One couple might say, "We are the perfect couple. We grew up together, we speak the same language, and we ate lunch together all the time in high school. Now we are married and we completely understand each other. That is why we should win this championship." But the next couple might say, "When we met each other we couldn't even greet each other; when I say 'good night,' she said 'good morning'." This couple really started at an impossible level. Which couple is the winner?
Today you must feel that you are applying for the championship. When you say "good morning" to your fiancée, and she replies, "What did you say?" I want you to understand that you have the most dramatic, historical beginning. We do things that others cannot do. Once you become men and women who meet God's expectation, there can be nothing under the sun you cannot do. How would God feel when He looks at such couples? Would He feel dark and depressed, or ecstatic with joy and pride? Would God pay more attention to those couples?
Who Is God and Who Am I 1-25-81
A Western-centered person would say, "Since I have blue eyes, I want a wife with blue eyes, too." But the world-centered person would say, "Since I have blue eyes, I need a wife with brown eyes -- in fact, a wife who is black." Blue eyes are like daylight and black eyes nighttime. Together they represent a complete day. People develop this sort of attitude within the Unification Church. Members ask for a spouse of a different race or color in order to become world-level people. Their relatives back home sense that something momentous is happening within their family.
I Am the Center of the Whole 3-8-81
Marriage is very important in spirit world. If you say that you followed my recommendation in deciding whom to marry because you didn't know what the will of God was, you will have met an important qualification.
Life Experience in the Realm of Heart 3-15-81
You members who were finally engaged will wait three years before you can live together. Of course you want to call each other and hold hands, but you have to control your urges. Probably every day you ask yourself why you have to do that. The reason is that you want to
have God hold your hand first, before you hold your fiancée's hand. How secure you will be if God, who is the biggest being, then True Parents and finally your fiancée are all holding your hands. If you are attached to God and True Parents then you don't even need to hold your fiancée's hand; He is already holding all of you. If your fiancée cannot betray God or True Parents, then certainly he cannot betray you. That is as secure as you can get. When you understand this, you will think I am very smart for making this rule.
Do you want an exciting love, or a lukewarm relationship? As long as it is exciting, what more could you want? We know that the law is designed to create perfect husbands and wives, and without it there would be no hope of having such people. How wonderful it is to say to your fiancée, "If you have the time to call me then you have more time for working harder. During these three years please pour everything you have into your mission." How much more fantastic it is to encourage each other in this way.
Our Identity 4-1-81
When I meet people, I never ask if they can help me. Instead I always check how I can help them. I am determined to help you; I can help you in the most fundamental thing -- your life. Do you believe that? I can help you with true love. Why should I worry about your blessing? I could easily tell you to find love on your own, but I am concerned with your life and love; that is the most supreme help I could give. If some people are having difficulty with their fiancées, they may think that I misjudged in choosing their mate. But you see only the horizontal element; I see the entire vertical element of your family tree and your ancestors. You don't know that person yet, so you haven't experienced the true value of your fiancée.
A poplar should marry a poplar, and a pine should marry a pine. If you put a poplar and pine together, however, you have disaster. A pine tree is green for all four seasons, while a poplar should shed its leaves in the fall. Can a poplar go against nature and insist on keeping its leaves all year? In the same way, I see your vertical nature. I may not give you a handsome husband, or a person with whom life is easy, but I give you the gift of true love.
Historical Children's Day 10-28-81
You have the aspiration to live in the Kingdom of Heaven; every one of you is wanting to live in that Kingdom. Some people have complained, "My fiancée is not the perfect match for me. We have so many problems; I want to break my engagement." But think about the Kingdom of Heaven and how to get there. The way to Heaven is the way of patience and endurance; you must be able to love unconditionally and sacrificially. God is trying to teach each person through his fiancée a realm that he could never learn in any other way. You should think, "My fiancée is a gift from God to teach me how to go to Heaven." God is trying to bring every sinner back into the position of His own true child. This is a seemingly impossible job, if you think of it. Can you say, "My fiancée is not handsome enough for me. And he's too short; he's Japanese." Please raise your hand if you are a perfect person. Then how can you complain against your fiancée?
Wanting to Live in the Kingdom of Heaven 12-20-81
Some of you may be thinking, "Father, why did you give me such a person as my fiancée? Couldn't you have picked someone better for me?" If you think your fiancée is difficult for you to love, you will become the king or queen of love if you learn to love such a person. This is literally true. Do you think God feels you should have a different fiancée and will change you around? No. Each of you has an endless realm of love to connect with if you make a success out of your relationship. Certainly God wants to fill you with everything you need. Every bridegroom should think that his bride is more precious than royalty and cherish her as his queen, and vice versa. For thousands of years the potential of the Blessing has been coming toward you; how terrible it would be if you, knowingly or unknowingly, stopped it. Not only your ancestors but also all the things of creation will accuse you if you prevent their blessings from materializing.
Total Completion of the Ideal 2-28-82
Those of you who are engaged may answer that you are going toward your fiancée. But is your fiancée going forward or backward? Is he or she moving with confidence? Is he or she about to go up, or down? You may say that you never thought about the question and frankly don't care. You may suppose that when you are with your fiancée you will be satisfied. But what good does it do for two uncertain people to meet? If one confused person joins another, what will result? They will become even more puzzled.
Two confused people will collide with one another. Your eyes will clash, your ears, mouths and minds will clash. You might reason that since everyone else lives that way, you should, too. Perhaps you think that you have no other choice. But what about your family? Once you are living together, children will be born to you -- that's virtually automatic! But will your baby be able to see straight, hear straight, think straight? Perhaps your baby's eyes will be crossed or only able to look in a certain direction. If you truly realize the position you are standing in, you feel some awe or dread. Once you are aware of it, you cannot just casually enjoy life.
Some Moonies are engaged for five years before they marry. Many of you think it is wonderful, but other people call it crazy. What do you think? Is this truly wonderful? You say yes, but not very convincingly. Something is holding you back. But when you analyze it further, it really is wonderful. Why? Because this is the only way the universe can have hope. This is the proper way for you to go. It is not just these few years that matter, but hundreds of thousands of generations to come will learn solid lessons from the patterns we establish right now. So think about how wonderful this is. You are laughing now and proclaiming with confidence how wonderful it is; but when you are not so sure, it is like clouds being drawn across a clear blue sky.
Perhaps you say you wish you could wait for five more years, so you could do something more meaningful for the world and for history. Would you choose to wait ten years rather than five? When you think how wonderful it is, are you ready to wait that long? Some of you laugh, but I would like to find out why you laugh. Is it because you think it is wonderful or for some other reason?
Do I take pleasure in making Americans suffer? Out of all the pain and frustration you go through, I hope to see a new America reborn. I want to see a new standard of marriage in America. Waiting five years is not easy, but we have to conquer it. I have been observing young American men and women for many years now, and I am not at all satisfied. For some odd reason, people think they have the freedom and right to get divorced. But I know that the universe does not work that way. Once you choose love, it should last forever and ever. That is the value of love. All human value rests on that.
Whether people are watching you or not, you should continue your course.
Actually, love develops better when you do things without people being aware. Sometimes you see a man and woman embracing and kissing in the street and wonder what kind of special privilege from the court of the universe they think they have. I told you not to kiss or even hold hands while you are engaged because it could lead to something more. But if you are truly grounded in Principle, it is hypothetically possible for you to kiss without it being bad, but until the proper time, don't do it.
In the Presence of God 4-11-82
When you men look at your fiancée, do you naturally desire to touch her face or her body? The body is designed to be touched. Certainly a person's face is important, but the most important thing for a woman is that her spouse has a man's body and vice-versa.
The innocent, pure baby loves his mother regardless of how she looks. Even if his mother is a hunchback with only one eye, the baby wants to be with his mommy. In the same way, men and women should love each other unconditionally; don't try to evaluate each other. The same way you loved your parents as a child -- purely and uncritically -- you should love your spouse. Are you confident you can do it?
When you give your first love it is always unconditional. Men and women are designed to experience the beauty and purity of first love and live together forever in that love. With that first love, there is no such thing as a racial or cultural barrier. Teenagers have minds of openness and sensitivity to all the joys, tragedies and beauties of life. They normally feel everything so deeply. Even when they see autumn leaves falling, they feel touched by that.
Unfortunately here in America there are not many who have preserved their first love. Most of you already have some kind of past, so what can we do? Realizing the preciousness of that first love and knowing that you have lost it for whatever reason, you should be more humble, repentant, and fervent than before. In order to compensate, be more sacrificial in loving your spouse, ready to accept him or her unconditionally. When you are humble and open to each other, you can compensate for the loss of your first love.
If your conscience was really alive, you could not say to me, "I don't have a good fiancée; he is not the kind I wanted." Your original mind should be saying, "Father, because I am so impure, I don't really deserve any person as my spouse. But since I have received this spouse as a gift from God, I will serve him/her for the rest of my life. I want to deserve this great blessing with all my heart and soul." Those who do not have the privilege of giving your first to your spouse must be repentful and at the same time most appreciative to God and willing to compensate. In this way you can restore your love and reach the same degree of Heaven.
Do you think I came here just to be a matchmaker? It is not a mandatory requirement from God that I match you couples, but everyone in the church wants it. I have become a victim of my own word, since I said that the individual must sacrifice himself for the larger good! It is incredible work but I must do it. Why is it so tough? When you get a good match you tend to think, "Because I am superior I received a good match." On the other hand, those who feel they didn't receive such a great spouse always want to blame me.
Any good things become your credit but the difficulties become my fault. Is that true? Perhaps I should tell Dr. Durst to match the couples? If I did that, everybody would complain!
I will give you my matching secret: I do not match you primarily as husband and wife but I see through you to your beautiful children of the future. Is that against the Principle or according to Principle? No matter what, the Principle persists here in America.
Blessed Family 6-20-82
To make a long story short, let's say your fiancée turned out to be a large, broad woman, and you immediately thought of her as undesirable. But suppose she (or he) has an incredibly warm and wide heart of pure love. Then what would you say? On the other hand, many women with beautiful faces possess only a flat, shallow love. Through my research I have learned that the love of an ugly woman is very round and possesses great depth and nobility. It's easy to stand on flat love, while spherical love is harder to balance on, but which kind of love would you prefer in your mate? Certainly, spherical love is better. So if you think your fiancée is more attractive than you, you are most likely getting flat love. But if he or she is uglier than you, you are most likely getting spherical love. This rule of thumb applies to both men and women. When you learn to love a fiancée whom you previously disliked intensely, you will give birth to the greatest of children.
No matter how ugly your fiancée may be, still he or she is the supreme form of creation and therefore more special than anything else in nature. He or she is the crowning glory of God's masterpiece of creation. You may call upon the things of creation to sing a song for you and they would be unable to comply, but your fiancée should. So unless you are able to love nature, you cannot love other people.
What is the secret of my being able to match hundreds of couples from around the world? Simply having a loving heart. Love is everything; love has knowledge and power; love can penetrate and understand everything; love endows one with a vision of the future. Because I can match with such a heart I am the world's greatest matchmaker. Aren't you glad of that? I have two different reputations. Some people say that I am an excellent matchmaker and others call me a bad one. Those who call me a bad matchmaker simply don't know the facts. After you have lived together for three years, you will discover why I matched you and your spouse, and you will come back and report to me!
Some of you have already concluded that you cannot accept your match, even though you have never lived together or even gotten to know each other. You have even asked me for new matches, but I have said that is ridiculous, since you don't even know each other. Sometimes I have counseled engaged couples who have come to see me at East Garden. "Did you know that your fiancée had this or that characteristic?" I ask them. Both have been completely surprised, because they haven't gotten to know each other at all. They knew far less about each other than I knew about them.
I am an expert on human beings, in a way, because I have dealt with so many different people throughout my life. Many people have betrayed me, and many have been completely loyal; some have exploited me. All kinds of people have come and gone, and I have studied and researched every one of them. My mind is very analytical, and I never let any experience pass by without observing it closely and learning from it. I have considered millions of situations and human variables. So I have millions of mental "index cards" that I can pull out and refer to when I match people. I can see that someone with one kind of nature will need a spouse with a particular characteristic. That is how I match couples.
The Day of All Things 6-21-82
Marriage is a journey that men and women begin together. Where will it end? Can you imagine living for 10,000 years? Compared to eternity, that is just the beginning. Some people realize that. Others think, "Boy, one month is eternity! I can't even stand to look at my wife." Marriage is like exploring a gold mine. In one month or one year you can barely find one seam of gold. There may be all kinds of foreign elements in it, so unless you dig deeper down, you won't know what's there. That is the adventure of married life.
There are two different kinds of appearance. A Broadway stage can look like a golden palace, but there is nothing behind the facade. On the other hand, a simple mountain may look plain, but when you dig into it you discover limitless resources inside. I always ask whether genuineness can be more frequently found in an attractive person or a homely one. You greedy guys always think you can be genuine and handsome too! Actually, there are always exceptions, so you can be the exception! But generally the unchanging qualities are more often found in the homelier-looking people.
We see women wearing elaborate cosmetics, false eyelashes, high heels and beautiful dresses. They may change their costume three times a day in order to parade down Fifth Avenue. Is that the ideal for a woman? What about a man with flowing hair and mustache, wearing a fancy breast pocket handkerchief going into a bar to find girls? Is that ideal? Then consider a man who smells bad, even from a distance, and who only has two teeth; perhaps he is almost blind, too. Could someone like that be genuine 24 karat gold? You have to focus your concept of an ideal man and woman.
I want you to understand that your husband or wife is not your personal property. You come out of the fallen world, yet your mate comes as a gift from heaven, through True Parents. You must be able to read the label that comes on your spouse. That label tells you where the item comes from. "Made in Heaven." That gift is given to you in order that you might consummate true love. It is impossible for love to be consummated by one person alone.
This is the Principle. Husbands and wives, look at each other as representatives of God and True Parents. Your duty is to love one another, and by doing so you are loving True Parents and your Heavenly Father. By loving his wife, the husband is loving True Mother. The wife is loving True Father by loving her husband. As you love each other, you are loving God and True Parents. Your journey is to eternity, and the achievement of true love is our goal.
New Family Given by God 9-5-82
In some cases I matched a very sensitive woman to a dull, insensitive man. If she can love that man, her love lungs will really develop. When a sensitive woman can make a dense man become sensitive, she becomes a master genius! Actually, the all-knowing God created only 95 percent of our being, and He asks us to created the remaining 5 percent. So a woman can go to God and say, "You gave me 95 percent of a husband, so I will create the remaining 5 percent, making him a whole being." The ideal woman resolves to create her husband.
Original Race from One Lineage 72-1-82
Husband and wife should look at this world like they were looking at the Garden of Eden, in which there is only one man and one woman. What if Adam had happened to be crippled? Would Eve have complained to God, "Oh, no, I want another man!"? Eve didn't have that kind of choice. If Adam had been running around and had fallen down on a bush, he might have become blinded in on eye. Would Eve have said, "God, I don't want a one-eyed husband!"? Consider yourselves as Adam and Eve for whom there only one possible mate; it is your destiny.
You men should look at your wives and think, "She is the only woman in the entire universe; she is the only Eve." You may have been thinking about how ugly your husband or wife was, but when you start to look at your spouse from the proper angle you will see universal beauty in him or her. You should look at each other with universal eyeglasses and then your husband will look like a heavenly movie star. With universal eyeglasses, nothing looks ugly in God's creation.
The Secret of Total Success 12-19-82
When the birds come and sing in front of you, don't consider it a chance or common occurrence. Look at it this way: that bird is the result of thousands of years of cycles of breeding and now it has the opportunity to sing for you. When you meet your spouse, it was no coincidence either. For him or her to become your spouse, masculine and feminine energy went through thousands of millions of years of training. They traveled a long way for love and their fruits will endure for millions and millions of years to come.
Myself, Part II 3-6-83
Some beautiful woman might come and complain to me, "Father, I think I am so beautiful, but the husband you selected for me isn't very handsome. Why?" Such a person takes one quality and blows it out of proportion. She forgets that a good match needs to consider all 360 degrees, and she sees only one degree that doesn't seem to fit. However, the full scope of 360 degrees is more important than one single degree.
If you consider only one, two, three or four aspects, you could say that your match could never work. But take all the other angles and start from there. Anyway, first you have to get together. If you do your best and can achieve only a limited unity, God will have to fill in the rest! You may complain that you have some abnormal difficulties, but God knows whether you have a good match or a bad match. Since He knows, don't you think He will figure out a solution? You may not be able to, but He will.
Original Root and Self 5-22-83
There is a major barrier dividing the world of men from the world of women. When I bring a couple together in heavenly Blessing, the greatest of all walls is torn down. To break down the heaviest barriers, I normally match a person from one extreme to his or her opposite. If there is a likelihood that the man and woman would fall in love on their own, I do not want to match them, because they would be tempted to cling together and not want to do anything else; they would forget the rest of the world! But when extremes are joined -- an ugly man and a beautiful woman, for instance -- they have to make much more effort to create a unity, and they are more likely to pay attention to the will of God above that of their spouse.
World restoration is such an awesome task that you should not want to be matched to an easy love. if you are on the opposite end of the spectrum from your spouse and love comes only with difficulty, you can become one only after you make much effort. That is the kind of effort needed to unite the world.
Which is more difficult to unite: an ugly woman and a handsome man, or the free world and the communist world? To unite two worlds is a much greater challenge than to unite two individuals. However, in order to harmonize opposing worlds, you need some training. The best training is to make harmony with someone completely opposite from you. The struggles and trials involved in uniting opposite men and women are training for world unity.
What is the ideal challenge for a couple to confront? For the best looking man to love the worst-looking woman. What kind of couple do you think God prefers to look at? A handsome man and a beautiful woman? Suppose God wanted to visit a harmonious couple and could choose from three combinations: a handsome man and a beautiful woman; an ugly man and an ugly woman; and a handsome man and an ugly woman. Would God be drawn to the easiest, most natural unity or to the most difficult one? Ugly men and women living together is normal and there is nothing special about handsome men and beautiful women living together. God would be attracted to the couple who overcame the greatest challenges to physical unity.
In pursuing the ideal state, I have become a genius at matching handsome men to ugly women and beautiful women to ugly men. When you recognize the purpose behind this, you have no grounds whatsoever for complaint.
At a matching, the most ideal Moonie would say, "Father, I close my eyes and open my arms. Bring me anyone." You men could say, "I just open my arms, Father. All I need is any kind of creature called a woman." You women could say you need any kind of man. This is the wisest attitude in the Unification Church. When someone says he cannot accept his match, who is making such a judgment? It is your eyes. You could pull out your eyes and solve the problem! Like a blind man, you could rely on your sense of touch. The man could feel a woman's bosom and recognize his partner as a woman and say, "This is good enough!" And vice versa.
The two eyes often don't want to accept things; they often complain and cause problems. The fall occurred because the eyes saw something else they thought they wanted. Therefore, if your eyes want something, do the opposite; then you will not be mistaken.
Women's eyes in particular are so sensitive. Your eyes often make comparisons and try to create a squabble. The essence of a woman is what is important. Without true women, no ideal can come true; God's master plan cannot be realized. Women are essential for the fulfillment of God's work.
Our goal is the ideal world, but our starting point is the present, fallen world. I know precisely how to reach the goal, and I have made my life a model for you to follow. I have never sought an easy life, but always challenged difficulties, gaining mastery over my body, breaking through all obstacles and overcoming all persecution.
Man recreates woman and woman recreates man. In that way, ugliness can be transformed into beauty. Whoever wants to start on the highest level will run into trouble sooner or later and decline. But if you start from the lowest possible level, you will not make a mistake. Please accept your match in faith and gratitude. However ugly or handsome your mate may appear makes no difference. God will bless your unity with great children.
Among the blessed couples, some women originally told me they did not want to be matched or get married, but I matched them anyway! Now that they have a husband and children, they are coming and apologizing to me; "Father, I am sorry I gave you such a hard time at the matching. I didn't know it could be so good! Father, thank you." I get letters like that every day.
Original World and Present World 5-29-83
I feel so proud and grateful when hundreds and thousands of Unification Church members come and bow down, asking me to choose their mate. I know that when people say this, they are thinking not of themselves but of their mission. When a beautiful woman comes to me for matching I know that she probably dreams of marrying a handsome man. However, I may see that for her mission, another type of person is perfect for her and I will match her to him. Although she may be a little disappointed at first, it will only be temporary because she will be much better off eternally with this type of husband. Because I know I am not making a mistake, I can match people with a completely clear conscience. I realize that you may not be happy at the time, but what matters ultimately is what is best for you.
If you marry centered upon the mission, one day you will be the center of your nation. Marriages based on personal attraction will quickly fade in a few years. Marriages based upon mission will become monuments in the historical annals of marriage. This is what I am pushing for.
When people hear about my idea of marriage, they may think it is cruel and should be stopped. But as time passes, they will recognize that the greatest concepts of marriage came from me. Do you agree that my view of marriage is fantastic, or do you think it is a bad idea and has caused suffering for many Americans? The loudest answers came from Hispanic and black people. What about white people?
I realize that our way is difficult now. I don't deny it. But it is so much more valuable than the conventional way, and as the years go by its value will increase. In contrast, the world's way of marriage seems good now but its value will gradually diminish.
Mission and Prayer 6-12-83
In order for a man and a woman to get completely close to each other, they must first be close to God and the True Parents. The person who understands God and the True Parents can then be one with another person. Until such time, you must restore the ability to truly love each other with the brotherly and sisterly heart.
Before a man and woman become husband and wife, the principle requires that they become brother and sister in the true sense, with true brotherly and sisterly love.
That is our pattern. You get matched as an engaged couple and then you relate like brother and sister, going your separate ways. YOU should remind each other, "We must listen to our parents first Of all." After you have become one on that level, you can reach the level of true parents yourself. That is the path of reaching the heart of true love. Thus you are preparing yourselves to become true parents, by first becoming true brothers and sisters, then true couples. Unless you go through these stages, you cannot give birth to true children. Can you reach that level? If you do not, your children will accuse you.
Day of Heavenly Victory 10-4-83
When you are about to get engaged or married, for example, some people think, "Father, match me with the most wonderful person." But who are you centering on in that case? Yourself. Instead you should think, "Father, do your will. Give me the worst person; let me take care of that person and serve him. I will love the ugliest person more than I would love the most handsome or beautiful person." If anyone is thinking in that fashion, there is no room for Satan to come near him.
The History of Struggle of Good and Evil and Oneself 3-11-84
I am a mysterious person -- even though I haven't gone to all the 120 missions around the world, I can close my eyes and pray and know what is going on in specific countries in Africa, South America, Europe and so forth. This is due to my spiritual perception, my special vision. For that reason, I can handle the important matter of your lives, and that is your marriages.
You look at other people from a purely external viewpoint when you are at the matching, but I can see the whole person. When I look at a person's hands and feet, I can see a lot. A truly handsome man must look good from the back as well as the front. I can see something significant in the way a person walks. I rely upon my intuition that enables me to see everything about each man and woman, like special "X-ray eyes."
You believe that I have that ability, don't you, and you have confidence that I am a champion at matching people? Is it easy to get the autograph of a champion or a celebrity? No, it isn't. You know, I could start a big business pretty soon! My reputation as an excellent matchmaker will grow and grow, and then everybody will want to come to me and ask me to pick their spouse for them, whether they are a member of the Unification Church or not.
There is a pragmatic way of thinking among some Unification Church members who are not yet married and are awaiting their matching. They think, "When I see the suffering of the state leaders and the missionaries and so on, I don't want to be married to one of them. I would rather be the spouse of someone in business, someone who brings home a salary!" However, that is a most external and materialistic way of evaluating someone. The real question is, who is the one who is really living for the sake of others? What is more valuable to you, in the ultimate sense?
My thinking is very different from that pragmatic way. I think you young women, particularly the children of blessed couples, ought to be married to the front-line Church leaders. Some of the male blessed children have been thinking about studying business or something that can enable them to make money. But if you are thinking in that way, I can tell you that you will be assigned to the exactly opposite mission from what you have studied.
According to that principle, I want to ask you a question. Suppose the most beautiful woman was matched to a very ugly man. That is the most ideal way because that is the most serving way. Isn't that true? When that beautiful woman loves her ugly husband as a representative of the universe, you can know that God gives birth to the greatest men and women through that lineage. Such men and women will lead the world.
One example of this principle is Ye Jin's husband, Jin Whi. When I gave the blessing to the 36 couples, Jin Whi's father at that time was a very important Church leader, having been in the Church for several years and having taught the Divine Principle every day. He was a great lecturer. But Jin Whi's mother was very young in the church -- probably only several months. So when I brought them together and introduced them, Mr. Hong thought to himself, "She isn't such a good match. After all, I am a three-year member and she is just like a green onion. What does she know about the church?" Mr. Hong wasn't so happy.
Then I told him, "If you follow my advice, something good will happen within your family." And they obeyed. They had children and what happened? Not just one but two of their children were joined with the family of the True Parents. That is something that a person would not even imagine happening, so my prediction was correct.
Many times in the past I matched people totally contrary to their tastes. They said, "Father, what are you doing to me? How can I live with that person?" They felt they would grieve to death but they grudgingly obeyed my direction. And what happened? Now they all recognize the wisdom of my choice and they all say, "Thank you, Father. We couldn't be better matched. We couldn't have better children." Several couples were like that in the 36 couples.
You may think you can judge who would be a good husband or wife, but that is only according to your own criterion. What guarantee can you have that your own wishes are going to succeed? However, I can give you a guarantee. In many cases, I matched people knowing that they would have great children. I knew that God's reward would come to that family, perhaps not immediately; perhaps it would be three generations in the future. But the president of the United States, or some great leader will come out of them. However, because of their own disliking, many have departed from their matches and destroyed them. What will happen? You will eventually learn when you go to spirit world what a mistake you made. You will have intense regret at that time.
True Way of Life 7-1-84
Many people in the secular world fear me. They think, "Look at those bright young men and women who are following Reverend Moon. He is even matching them in marriage; I can't believe anyone but a fool would allow that. But they are not fools and they are accepting Reverend Moon's matchings, living together and having children and prospering. This is incredible!"
God's Day 1-1-87
Let's say an Englishman and a German woman were matched by Father. They do nothing but fight at home -- the Englishman is arrogant, the German woman is stubborn and they quarrel all the time. But now they have a weapon in their quarrels. The wife can say, "True Parents' family is not this kind of family. How can you depart so far from Father's model?" The husband, no matter how arrogant he may be, has no defense against that. He will have to say, "That's right! I'm sorry! We must follow the True Parents' model."
Suppose a husband got angry instead and said, "What are you talking about -- True Parents' model? I don't care about that! You're a German and I'm British, so you go to your country and I'll go to mine!" The first couple will be accepted into heaven, while the standard of the second couple would take them to a very low place in hell. The model on the family level is the True Parents' family. If you couples quarrel, you must come to the point when you say, "We have deviated from the True Parents' model. Let us push ourselves into their mold."
The Model, and Those Who are Recognized in Providential History 3-15-87
Those of you who were matched yesterday, do you feel you deserve that honor? There is only one thing we must accomplish, one thing we should have in our minds: to achieve human responsibility and enter the realm of the direct dominion of God. In other words, achieve true union with God and become the bearer of God's true love. You have no other or more important goal in life than this because in a way, you will be qualified to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
You must become men and women who are united as one couple to give seed to God's true lineage and posterity. If you accomplish that, you can do nothing more precious.
Parents' Day and Our Path 3-29-87
Your own spouse is so precious that even if someone offered you the wealth of the world, in exchange, that could not compare. With such a precious spouse, could you have any other woman? Could you even get near to someone else? Your own wife may not be so beautiful in the worldly sense -- maybe she even limps and is homely while some other beautiful woman is beckoning to you. But can you follow her? No, because we know that true love is far more precious than anything. Nothing is more important.
The Blessed Family is Very Precious 4-5-87
Don't ever look at a particularly handsome man or beautiful woman and say, "Oh, that's the kind of spouse I like." Forget it, because that quality is not precious. From this perspective, there are two different types of persons: the man and woman who are very attractive but who show off everything externally. They have nothing left on the inside. Or there is the less attractive man or woman who takes everything in. He or she may not look so exciting on the outside, but inside there are stored treasures you can't even imagine.
Who is usually more talkative, the beautiful woman or the not so beautiful one? And who is usually not so responsible in her way of life? Who is more changeable? It is the beautiful woman. The lesson here is that we must really be able to find the good points in the less attractive woman. One may be beautiful but she doesn't have anything else, so it's a trade-off. God never gives two precious gifts to the same person.
Precious Existence 7-19-87
The other day I was at the Seattle Airport, waiting for a plane to Alaska. Since I had some time to spare, I looked around at the people. I saw so many couples, and if it had been up to me, I would never have matched any of them! Actually, I was mystified by them all. I looked at couples who seemed rather happy to be together and wondered how they could even like each other! In theory, they couldn't, but in reality they didn't appear to mind -- and even seemed to cherish each other. I realized that this is the power of first love at work. The sad thing is that as first love passes, the couple's attraction for each other will gradually diminish. We, on the other hand, are going up and up, in my observation, and our next generation will attain a high, ideal love.
The Way to Grow 8-30-87
Why do you think I am paying so much indemnity just to match men and women together to become Unification couples? All of the problems of the sins committed by men and women have to be solved. Such a huge amount of complicated problems has to be solved.
To create the unity of husband and wife is only possible through God's love. To establish that tradition of God's love requires tremendous indemnity.
The Tribal Messiah 2-5-89