That's Gonna Leave a Mark

1976.7.22

Today was the last day of competition and I was able to get victory with $180. My goal was $160.

I also have a huge pink scar on my left hip that I didn't have two weeks ago. It's about the size of a fifty-cent piece. A couple days after the boil first appeared, I was getting sick and feverish. So Captain took me to a clinic. I guess the doctor knew I was a missionary because he made a joke. He said, "I heard the devil bit you." I practically freaked. To him it was funny, but to me it was literally true. The snake had bitten me through my pouch filled with satanic coins. I didn't find it funny at all. It was really painful.

He said the boil was a staph infection caused by not keeping clean enough, and it was true. We were out all day in the stifling heat, always covered with sweat and dirt, and many times at night we collapsed into our sleeping bags too exhausted to shower. The boil wasn't ready to lance yet. He said it wouldn't be "ripe" for a couple more days. He wrote me a prescription for antibiotics and gave me some salve to put on it to help draw the pus to the surface.

I kept fundraising and taking Tylenol for the pain and fever. And then one night while I was out blitzing I noticed it didn't hurt so much. I ducked into a men's room at a gas station and dropped my pants. There was a huge white bulge in the center of the boil.

I popped it with one of the flag pins I was selling. Pus mixed with blood started pouring out. It was unbelievable how much fluid there was. For 20 minutes it kept coming and coming and coming. And if I applied even a little pressure, it gushed out even more. The waste basket was filling up with all the paper towels I was using.

For the next couple days I carried around a package of gauze pads and white medical tape. I had to change the dressing every couple hours, and it would always be soaked with pus and blood. It was both disgusting and fascinating to me. I never could imagine that much fluid coming from a wound. I felt I was purging my body of a lifetime of sin.

Finally the oozing stopped. I could see the tip of the solid core. I took a pair of tweezers and pulled it out. It looked like a giant grub, and it left a gaping hole in my flesh. The core was so big it was scary, almost as big as my pinkie, but I knew it was over. I continued changing the dressing every few hours over the next several days. Finally it scabbed over and now there's just a smaller scab in the middle of a bright pink crater.

I'm going to have this mark of the beast for the rest of my life. I feel like Jacob after wrestling the angel. 

Zits for God

1976.7.24

The days are passing by so quickly. I could never imagine my lifestyle changing so drastically over a year.

It's incredibly hot here in Arkansas. Sometimes I can really unite with running in the heat for God, doing what no one else either has the guts or is foolish enough to do. I am having difficulty breaking through in my prayer. It is good to struggle. The blessing is so intoxicating.

It is almost impossible to keep clean, though I shower every day. My body is breaking out all over with pimples and small boils. It must have some spiritual significance. 

Faith Boils Over

1976.8.29

It has been well over a month since my last entry. My old journal is now full, and this is my first one in the new journal I got, along with everybody else on the team, to commemorate the bicentennial. Everyone made an effort to write for the first week or so, but I think I'm the only one still doing it. I only have a little time to write and much to say.

Our team has been struggling much these last few weeks, though externally we seem pretty united. Captain Turegano gave each of us our personal goals. Mine is $140, which is not really so much, but lately it has been a struggle to make even $100.

Jack, Michael and myself have been out in a compact car fundraising small towns. Captain said by uniting together and making our individual goals, we are restoring the position of the three archangels who failed Adam.

Miraculously, I made my goal every day, though it was sometimes an awful battle. Even on the day when we didn't really start until 4 o'clock, I made $170. We got a late start because we spent half the day in El Dorado recovering $400, which Jack had to pay to bail Michael and me out of jail the night before. It happened right around 11:30 pm, just as I reached my goal.

There are many other things I would like to say because a lot has happened, but there is no time now. I will have to try to catch up later. The main thing is it has been very hot and sticky every day and I have been suffering with a lot of boils -- seven so far. None as big as the first one on my hip, but they're still big and painful, and when they break, there's a lot of drainage. Right now I have one in my left armpit, which just came to a head. The fever and pain knocked me out for couple days in Little Rock. The combination of boils and low totals has almost done me in.

Captain took me to see a doctor, who gave me a shot of antibiotics and some painkillers. While I was lying on the exam table waiting for the doctor, I dozed off, which I do all the time now whenever I lie down or stop moving and shut my eyes for a second. At night I can count backwards from 10 and be asleep before I get to 9. Anyway, I started dreaming I was lying in the doctor's exam room, but now it was kind of gray and cold.

There were some people standing around, looking at me. One looked like the man who chased me twice before in other dreams. He came over and started poking me. He wasn't angry but he was very insistent. He kept saying. "You're not dead. Get up. Get up. Keep working." The doctor came in a moment later. I don't think I was asleep even 10 seconds.

I talked to mom tonight. She told me that Gail Gerzin, a girl from high school I'd once had a brief relationship with, was killed in an automobile accident in West Virginia. Her car -- I think it was a small convertible sports car -- ran off a mountain road and down into a heavily wooded ravine. It was several days before they found her. She had been training to be a goldsmith. 

Go Team!

1976.8.31

Today we achieved team victory for the first time in weeks. After all those days of struggle, today was sweetness. Oh, I made my goal five times in a row, but today we had team victory, and it feels many times the better.

Jesse and I went to Morrilton, Arkansas, today. We seem to unite pretty well. Jesse was high seller with over $200, and the team ended with about $150 average. Now our goal is to achieve a $200 average before Washington Monument.

The key to victory, as we learned at Yankee Stadium, is internal unity. But putting that knowledge into a substantial victory is not so easy. HF seems to have taken away our result these last couple weeks to show us that we cannot rely on our own effort, but we need God to accomplish anything of value.

Also, God has not been able to trust mankind since the Fall of Man, so we must show Him our sincere dedication to accomplish His will, even if no blessing comes. Now we must challenge to gain confidence. 

Poteau: Round One

1976.9.2

Gained individual victory today with $255.66 in Poteau, Oklahoma, a new record for me on this team. I still must challenge my all-time record of $312, which I made when I first came to MFT on Richard Panzer's team.

Tomorrow I am going back to Poteau. I expect to meet Satan there. Satan will attack but I will be ready and I will defeat him. The outcome of the battle has been determined. 

Poteau: Round Two

1976.9.3

Victory has been won. I ended the day with $313.05.

I went back to Poteau, Oklahoma. The morning began very slow, but I was ready for Satan's attack. I persevered and finally made a lot of money at the Sonic drive-in. The owner miraculously gave me permission to fundraise there yesterday and today. I made well over half my money there.

I must be careful not to become complacent. The test from HF is yet to come when He will try my heart. 

Alpha and Omega

1976.9.5

I ended the week with a $200.26 average, making a new record yesterday of $315.11 in Soloam Springs, Arkansas. The small team that Captain sent out of me, Michael and Jack really did a lot to increase my determination, although I collapsed on the last day, after making my goal five days in a row.

Kimiko told me the first day and the last day of a condition are the most difficult, because those are the days Satan will attack and try to steal our offering to God. The beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, are the times we need to be most careful and work our hardest.

So today I was determined to get victory. Satan attacked hard, and I did not feel so united with Jack. We went out in the small car to do small towns. I did fairly well but kept running into police problems. Now I determine to gain victory every day of the week and to challenge $350.

Faith in God is the only thing to depend on. One cannot depend on the physical or external situation. God is the only constant force in the entire universe we can trust.