1976.12.5
I was struggling very much, going door to door. I finally gave up and stopped. I sat down and let my mind space out, trying not to think of anything.
An angry voice came into my head.
"What's wrong with you? You are so arrogant. All though history I've taken total responsibility for everything. Only Sun Myung Moon has never asked me for my help. He has determined to gain victory at any price. His only concern is to comfort me."
What about Jesus? I asked.
"I will not speak to you about Jesus. The truth is more than you could bear. Sun Myung Moon is so humble. He has sacrificed everything for my sake, and still he feels he has not done enough. He is always worrying about paying enough indemnity. Your sin is greater than the people's sin. You have full knowledge that you are sinning, whereas they are ignorant of the truth and sin out of ignorance. They are more in a position to be forgiven."
The voice paused a minute. I was certain I was not imagining it because I was having my own thoughts at the same time. Then it continued.
"Whether you like or not and whether you believe it or not, I am holding you personally responsible for the spiritual lives of all these people. You are only thinking of your own salvation and your own glory. You are not thinking about loving the people."
I got up to go back to work.
"Run."
I started running, but my feet hurt from blisters.
"Maybe I should take your feet away."
I wondered how I was going to make my goal by 7 o'clock.
"Forget about stopping. Determine to make the goal even if you have to go for eternity."
When the van came, I didn't tell anyone about the voice. We went out to dinner and to a movie called "Two Minute Warning." It depicted the Last Days in the guise of a sniper at a capacity crowd championship football game. It was really heavy.