1976.1.2
I certainly had planned on getting an entry in before the New Year, but heavenly business must come first. Consequently there hasn't been any time for journals.
On this third day of God's Day celebration, a special dispensation from Onni to sleep late. So I have time. Actually, I got up earlier than usual, took a cold shower and prayed for just this purpose. But then everyone else got up about half an hour later and I thought I would not have time again. But as luck would have it, Onni called and sent everyone back to bed. Now maybe I can catch up with myself.
I came back from two weeks on the land to find a letter or three from home. One was a certified letter from Uncle Bill telling me that there was trouble brewing in the family and that even though my parents tried to hide it, Gretchen was really getting caught in the cross-hairs. Another letter was from mother, sort of hinting I should come home before it was too late.
At first I thought it was just Satan trying to get me away, but I called home anyway and spoke to Dad. He sounded really despondent, like he had lost all hope, and it really shook me up because of all the love and unity I had grown up with. The next morning I spoke with mother and she was crying. In a moment of weakness I said I would come home, though I felt it was useless and senseless. They said there was some conflict between them and that they really needed me to help them resolve the problem. I said that maybe it would help them to see me, but after I left the problem would come back, maybe even worse. I said that if they really wanted my help, one of them should come out here. But they had all sorts of reasons why they couldn't and that the only thing that would help would be to see me there.
I spoke to David about it and he said it would be a mistake to leave, but I didn't want to listen to him. I felt a lot of doubt and it kept multiplying. I couldn't think clearly. I knew I'd be making a huge mistake going home, but I was so concerned for my family and kept finding reasons to justify going home.
I prayed and remembered the story of Abraham and Isaac and I realized if I loved God, I would have to be willing to sacrifice my whole family. Now the doubt and fear really became overwhelming.
I went to Poppy. She just laughed. She said it was a kidnapping technique, and even if it was true, it wasn't so bad if my parents split up. That would put them in a better position to come back to God. I promised Poppy I would never leave.
I called my mother back that night and she was really disappointed. But when she said I was afraid to leave, I couldn't help but think maybe it was a conspiracy to have me kidnapped. Reid was kidnapped I found out and has been quoted in the paper as denouncing the Family as an 1984-ish, Big Brother operation to get Koreans into America. That is what I call real brainwashing. I feel so bad for Reid. I'm sure inside he is going to pieces. He loved the Family so much, even though he wasn't that strong.
Anyway, I got $200 out of the whole deal, which I gave to David.
Persecution is a new development since I was at Boonville. Someone is paying people to picket our house at night, intercepting our guests and informing them that we are a front for Reverend Moon. During the day they follow us around and interrupt us as we witness. If they only knew Principle and spiritual law they would never do it.
The Unification Church and Father were on the front page of every paper in the country for about a week, so we have become almost a household word. Even if people have a negative concept about us, at least they have heard of us. Some people think were are a phenomenon of the times that will eventually pass away, but when they see us getting stronger and stronger, they will ultimately come to accept Father.
Our True Parents Day of Hope at Yankee Stadium will really be the trumpet call for the Last Days and the beginning of a New Age. I expect things to get absolutely wild. I understand the economic situation in New York is really scary, with major companies going bankrupt and so much unemployment. Hospitals are closing and really possessed people are out roaming the streets. A lot of them seem to be coming to San Francisco.
I have been chosen to go to Barrytown as a pioneer to prepare for Yankee Stadium. Fundraising will probably be the primary emphasis. I'm really excited. I had always looked at going to Barrytown with anxiety, but now that I am going I can't wait. I guess I really have been longing to go all along. I look forward to the challenge. Poppy says she has absolute faith I won't bomb out. She has been so great to me lately.