I had little expectation when I met True Father for the first time in Germany in 1972, but I was swept away by an experience that I was unprepared to digest. Father entered the hall of 500 people and turned, opening his arms wide to greet everyone. Radiating from his face and spiraling in all directions was some kind of invisible energy, filling the entire hall. True Father's mind was universal, and he was enormous. I felt so small, like a grain of sand in the ocean. Being so young spiritually, unfortunately, Satan used this magnificent experience to drag me down into unredeemable unworthiness. My spiritual life was in chaos, and I was wasting away, both physically and spiritually.
Later, I was part of the European team that was called to America in 1973 for the International One World Crusade (IOWC). We had a 10-day workshop at Belvedere, and True Father came to speak every day. One day, he was explosively enraged about Cain and Abel, and dark waves of fear engulfed me, burying me in threatening feelings of self-accusation. I was afraid to look at Father in his eyes. One voice was saying: "He's your Father. You must not be afraid of your Father. You must look at him straight in the eyes." Another voice condemned me: "You are nothing. You are a dot in the vast universe, and very far away." It took all of my strength to raise my head and look at Father right in his eyes. All of a sudden, our eyes met, and a powerful impact hit me, thrusting me forward from my chair. Shocked, with eyes opened wide, I saw Father's warm and serene expression. I was swept up in the resurrecting power of Father's love, and my spirit wanted to fly with wings spread wide. When we are filled with such intoxication of love, there is nothing to envy in this world. That moment, Father liberated me from months of domination by evil power, and I was lifted up into a heavenly realm.
IOWC and Global Team life, a heavenly army life, travelling together with 70 to 260 persons, plunges a person into severe circumstances. The schedule is from 4 a.m. to midnight, spending all day on the streets, with poor food, and little personal attention. We thought we were working hard, and it was easy to feel a lot of deprivation. A turning point for me was in a small town in Boise, Idaho - during the Day-of-Hope speaking tour of True Father, who was being challenged by fundamentalist Christians in every city. They would come to the speeches with their huge Bibles and even shouted during the speech. The Boise program took place during Good Friday and Easter. Christian groups were doing everything to block the event, and I was getting frustrated.
God heard many of my unfaithful prayers: "Maybe you'd better skip this city; after all, the people don't want to be saved." There was a blizzard, and I felt relieved that True Parents wouldn't need to face this kind of hostility. Suddenly, the clouds opened up, and they miraculously made it to Boise on time. Sitting in front of me during the program were a team of six Christians, with their huge Bibles on their laps, poised to disturb. Father's expose of the Fall was brilliant and powerful, with his occasional, forceful beating on the podium. People were pinned to their seats, and slowly, one by one, the ill-motivated Christian groups walked out.
All of a sudden, True Father began whispering into the microphone about the suffering of Jesus. Women in the audience were weeping, and those remaining were completely riveted. After Boise, there were no longer any Christian picketers outside the speech venues of the tour. During Easter, I felt like the Lord was resurrected and had gained the birthright. I was ashamed at my lack of faith and realized that Father had made all the conditions by himself without our help. I realized our contribution was very small, and never complained again about our difficulties and sacrifices.
From Tribute, pp. 165-67.