I would like to say that I was “The most loved sister” in the front row at Belvedere but I would make the other sisters jealous, and rightly so. Everyone wanted to have eye contact, to be touched, hit, or spoken to by the only True Man that was now walking the earth. Because I have had so many deep smiling eye contact moments, I will only list the top ones here.
Every Sunday morning at five AM Father, Rev. Moon, would speak in the Training Center at the Belvedere Estate. This is a property in New York that our movement owned. The gates would open at 4 AM at which point brothers and sisters alike would race down the Estate driveway, into the Training Center, and as quickly as we could, go skidding like ducks into the front row at the edge of the platform where Father would be speaking. It would be there that you could get the most attention from Him. Why so desperate? It was the first time for any of us to feel true love from a true man who was not only the Messiah, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, but He was our dad, grandfather, husband, uncle, brother, friend and son. He was worth any bit of suffering or sacrifice we had experienced the week before. He just made it all worthwhile; and how we loved him. I confidently showed my adoration and His colorful response just spurred me on. He was hysterically funny, animated and unpredictable.
True Mother, Mrs. Moon, would often gaze over at me, seeing my girlish devotion and so very sweetly tilt Her head and subtly chuckle. I sensed She understood my childish, adoring behavior and She gave me the freedom to react the way I wanted to, with a motherly and understanding heart.
Though we were freezing from the cold on those icy NY mornings, our butts numb, and our necks stiff, we were as happy as can be. One morning I was looking straight up at Father as I sat directly in front of His feet. My neck being stiff, the expression on my face must have been quite scrunched up. Father, noticing my screwed up expression, looked down at me and imitated my silly scrunched up face. We were used to him imitating and teasing us. He was born the year of the monkey and monkeys like to tease.
I will never forget the first time I actually saw Father in person. I had just arrived in NYC. My mom had grown up in NYC, so I naturally had a mystical affinity for it. I had also just “escaped” from my hometown of Barbados, where I had received a lot of persecution from my relatives who did not understand why I happened to love this “Chinese Man” so much. The year before, my physical Father had tried against my will to have me “deprogramed” in California. Going through the experience of these two events made me all the more, long for True Parents.
It was Father’s 60th birthday. I was picked up at JFK by church members and taken to the New Yorker Hotel, which was a property that our movement owned. I later discovered that this was the very hotel where my maternal grandparents, my parents and even my own couple started our married lives - three generations would honeymoon in the same hotel. How intriguing!
I can never forget hearing from the driver that he had to stop for snacks and drinks for the True Children (Rev. and Mrs. Moon’s children). “Pinch me somebody, this has to be a dream”, I was thinking to myself. For three years I had been fighting for my faith and my Messiah. Now I was about to see Him and His family in living color.
There he was in all His glory, singing and clowning around on the stage adorned with a Hawaiian lay around His neck. Father was the best entertainer. He had the ability to make the humblest member feel absolutely included in the group. We were all equally valued, loved and cherished. Competition did not exist in the area of love. We were one. Everyone was accepted and we all knew it. Next to my Blessing day and the birth of my children, this had to be the highlight of my life. I came very close to running right up to Father to give him a big hug. I’m glad I didn’t because the security guards would not have been too happy, and I would probably have been very embarrassed in front of hundreds of people. Tears and emotions were overflowing as I had come to love this man so much. NYC and True Father. What more could I ask for? My life had just begun.
Since the church leaders were not sure what to do with this girl who had just arrived out of nowhere, I ended up being placed in the 40 Day workshop for foreign missionaries which happened to be taking place at that time. As part of that group, I was therefore included in their visit to East Garden to meet True Father. In the garden, as shown in the photo, I was able to sit in the front very close to Him. God, my ancestors, and my desperate desire, have continuously put me at close proximity to Father so many times. I am truly grateful.
At East Garden one morning, Father had just finished His speech and was slowly making His way to go up to His room. I stood at the bottom of the stairs desperate to see Him one last time before He left. Noticing me, He stopped, looked at me and said in His Korean accent, “You hab a beautibful bface” (Koreans have a hard time with the ‘v’ sound). That special memory of that special moment got me through many a hard time.
Another Belvedere morning, I was in my usual spot in the front on the sister’s side of the room. He asked, “What is your name?” “Gail”, I said with surprise. Then He said, “Gail has to run as fast as she can for as long as she can, until she passes the baton on to her descendant. Then her descendant has to run as fast as he can for God’s will, then pass it to his descendant.” Wow, Father said my name. The Messiah actually said my name!
On another occasion, a number of us were invited upstairs at East Garden (another church property in NY) to see Him. The group of Americans were asked to sing but nobody could decide on a song. Finally I took the lead and spontaneously had everyone follow me, singing a kid’s song that I had learned at my child’s kindergarten the week before. Well, Father laughed heartily as I tried to lead the words and melody on the spot – ad lib. With my awkwardness, I had made the Messiah laugh. I made Him happy. For a moment I had become the subject of His happiness.
A favorite memory was at the end of a Belvedere speech. Usually after the ending three cheers of Mansei, a Korean cheer for ten thousand years of blessings, True Parents would leave. This time as they started walking out, I noticed Father’s shiny shoes had stopped right in front of me. Slowly I lifted my head to see what He was doing. With a beaming smile, He reached out and pinched my cheek, all the while moving it back and forth. Mother gave her usual smile with Her usual subtle elegant chuckle. She was always so graceful and elegant and had a way of turning Her head like a graceful queen.
The first time I took my first baby, Brian, to Belvedere, we were standing outside waiting for True Parents to exit to their car. To my surprise, Mother made a bee line over to see my baby. She held Brian’s foot and smiled lovingly into his face. The sister next to me wanted to know why Mother had paid so much attention to my baby and not hers. I imagine Mother was surprised to see that this “greedy for love” young girl, Gail, had finally grown up and now had a baby of her own. Besides, Brian was also a very cute and exceptionally fat baby!
On numerous occasions, Father would whack me on the head, then pull me down and whack my back. He knew how much I loved it. He knew everything. Not sure if He was aware of it or not but one time as He was whacking my back, He happened to accidentally grab my bra strap and pop it. A sister behind whispered, “Father popped your bra!”
Another highlight would be at the matching. I just remember Him pulling Gary towards me, and then pushing us onward so He could match the next couple. At one point He told us, “80% of you don’t like who I matched you to. However, the time will come, in 40 years from now when you will be digging gold out of your spouse that you never even knew was there”. Looking back, I realize that that has surely come true for me. Gary has shown amazing qualities that my own character was very much in need of.
The Blessing of Marriage Ceremony was my most exciting experience, like living in my own movie. I truly felt God and True Parents’ deep love and it made me so proud, humbled and honored, to have been Blessed in this way by them. To be recognized as their daughter. During the entertainment following the Blessing ceremony, the song “Fly me to the Moon” sung by Tony Moreno, was not only amusingly appropriate but it melted my heart as it exploded my love for NYC, God, my husband, and True Parents.
Years later, I was blown away again by their love for me when I won, as a representative of my ancestors, one of the diamond rings being given out for the husbands at Cheong Pyeong (a spiritual retreat center in Korea). There were necklaces for wives and rings for husbands. Father had told us beforehand that through the lotto system that was used to determine who would receive the awards, our ancestors would have a hand in our being able to win it. This made me realize how much God sees and knows everything.
January 8th, 1984, it was the day after Hueng Jin Nim’s (one of Rev. Moon’s sons) Ascension. He had been killed in a freak automobile accident. Father was asking us if we would allow Him in our house should He just barge in unannounced. He wanted to know why we would let Him in, so I took advantage of the moment to say “Because we Love you Father!” He replied, “No, you let Father in because I am the first ancestor!” Then He looked down at me and started to laugh. I could see that His heart was melted. He then kissed Mother on the cheek and said that He couldn’t give everyone kisses because you can only have one wife. He said, “I can’t marry all of you”. Then He laughed again, His face like a burst of sunshine. Incidentally, the night before I had prayed asking what could I do to make Father happy the following day? I knew my prayer had been heard because at the perfect time, God and I together, could tell Father we loved Him. I could see all those adorable lines in His face deepen as He smiled back at me.
It was Easter Sunday. I knew he would come. At 3:00 AM sharp I jumped out of bed. Mellissa, a good friend of mine, and I would be the first to run down the path. I knew Father wanted to see us. He had missed us so much that when He saw me in the front row again, He looked down in my face and laughed. Knowing how much I adored Him and how happy we were to see each other again, He Looked down in my face and with piercing eye contact, He smiled the biggest smile which then broke into laughter. Looking back, I think He thought I was hysterically funny. I have been told by many that, unknowingly to myself, I make people laugh. God must have been using me to give Father some joy.
As He was explaining how Men live for women and vice versa, He picked me out as an example to back up his statement. “Look at this sister”, He said. “See her earrings and her necklace? Did she wear those for an elder sister or did she do that for man? I bet when she woke up this morning she did that to get man’s attention.” Then He flicked the earring back and forth. While stroking my face He explained that first the man would be interested in the earrings, since he doesn’t wear them himself, which would then lead him to realize how, cute I was“. The earrings are the bait to attract the man”, He said. How did Father know that, that very morning I did put those earrings on to get His attention. He then went on to explain that the look and shape of our faces are determined at the time of conception, just like a computer program.
January 4th, 1986 Father love-bombed us. I had done a four hour prayer the night before, so I had not slept but my heart was overflowing with love and I was right up there with Him during His message. He must have picked up my love vibes as He patted my head while He was explaining how to separate from Satan. Then He spoke about the unity of the two eyes, ears, nostrils, etc. while touching mine with His chalk as He spoke. Then He poked the chalk in my chest, while He spoke about our attitude. “We should stay firm and unchanging even in very difficult times”, was His message. As He was leaving He smiled at me with unforgettable kindness. Then He pinched the cheek of the two sisters next to me as if to say “I love you all too”.
“Among those of you who are Blessed (received the marriage Blessing), raise your hand if you fight with your spouse”, was His question. Leaving my hand up a long time, caused Father and Mother to laugh. Then He said “Nine out of ten times the woman is at fault. Eve fell first and talks too much. The talker is usually the one who is wrong”, was His conclusion.
Crying with Father is so special. He had been working so hard for the salvation of America and had caught a cold. Though Mother and Col. Han (his translator) tried to persuade Him to rest, he said he could not miss the 3rd Sunday of the month. Tears swelled up in my eyes when he said that (we were all aware of how much He pushed His tired body). For a few seconds, as He saw my tears, it was just me and Him. Our tears, love and understanding, all merged into one gaze.
February 15th 1987, the day after Valentine’s Day, Father told us that the inmates from Danbury prison had sent Valentine Cards to Them. After slapping me on the head twice very hard, He touched my cheek with two fingers twice. He said that there are billions of raindrops and they all want to fall on Father’s head. Therefore, when Father touches the lucky people in the head, He said that all the spirits get jealous. He went on to say that we in the front row are privileged to have Father touch us. Then, as usual, another sweet smile with eye contact.
March 1st 1987, the day after my birthday, Father hit me on the head twice, one of those times pushing my head close to the floor, then a third time. Then he said, “Why do you follow me, because I am handsome? That may be part of the reason, but mainly because of true love. You American sisters talk too much! So much that you cannot even pick out the true words anymore. It just becomes a mumbo jumbo of confusion. However, you would love a book worm as your husband if he had true love. You cannot see love. What goes on between two people is the give and take which you cannot see. The vertical line when a man and woman love each other spiritually and physically is beautiful in the sight of God. It is pure and true and clean, much different from fallen love.”
Mellissa and I had the opportunity to sing for Father, “Umaya Nunaya”. As we stood ready to sing, He acknowledged us with a slight bow, His kind wrinkles deepening again. As we began to sing He waved, then He conducted, then He beckoned us to move on for the next singer. For three days after that experience, my longing heart was unbearable. It usually took me three days to recover from a visit with Father.
My good friend would say “It’s not fair that Father always loves you up so much! We come here just as early as you do to see Father”. In a way she was right. However, I think that one reason would be that I became such an absolute object of love towards Him, the absolute Subject. It says in the Divine Principle that an absolute Subject seeks an absolute object and vice versa. For a cup to be filled all the way to the top, it must first be completely empty.
December 18th 2005, True Parents came to Barbados as part of their worldwide speaking tour. At the speech I sat again in the front row, right next to the two youngest daughters of True Parents (Photo attached). Though my relatives had still not understood this love I had for this “Chinese Man”, I was able to bring my Uncle Clayton, my niece Alexa and my son Brian, who had now grown to be a 15 year old teenager, with me. Attached is a photo of the booklet for Father’s Speech that He signed for me with my name on it, which He wrote in Korean.
Repent fully and surprisingly, now that I draw this testimony to a close, I have come to realize that actually it wasn’t just Father, who was loving me up, it was God himself. I am shocked that after all these decades and only after writing this memoir, have I come to realize that not just Father, but Heavenly Parents Themselves, were loving me all the time as well.
How often has God’s sweet and unconditional love ever been noticed and appreciated? Even though we don’t acknowledge God, He is always there and always loving anyway. So pitiful is His existence.
My husband Gary would always say that parents, many times, are treated like toilet paper – “take a good wipe” Gary would say. Unfortunately, this has been our Heavenly Parents’ situation since the fall. I really do hope that somehow we can all make it up to our Heavenly Parents for all the lonely, heartless lost time that mankind has caused them.
40 Day International Missionary Workshop attendees. I’m in the front row, 5th from the right in a beige skirt suit.
Father speaking at East Garden. I’m in the royal blue shirt in the front row sticking my head out trying to see who Father was talking to. He wanted to know why the second generation brother had a beard.
The trophy winning striped bass being displayed at East Garden. I have no idea why I was there, other than I love Father so much.
Portrait with True Parents in Jardin, Brazil, December 1999. Young Jin Nim had recently passed away.
In the front row at Father’s World Tour Speech in Barbados, December 18, 2005.
To the left of me are True Parent’s daughters, Yeon Jin Nim and Jueng Jin Nim. To the right of me is Dr. Kasoon. He gave True Parents two plaques from Barbados which Mother displayed on the wall in the waiting room downstairs at East Garden. Just behind us, on the left side of the picture, my Uncle Clayton can just be seen.
Father’s Barbados Speech booklet which he signed for me, with my name on it written vertically in Korean.