True Story

In the summer of 1975, when I was 21, I began keeping a journal. I had no idea what would happen next, of course. I simply wrote down where I was, whom I was with, and what we were doing. At the time, I was a carefree young hippie bumming around the American SoutHaest with a small tribe of like-minded people, ingesting hallucinogens and seeking cosmic enlightenment.

Three weeks later I found myself in a religious cult in California. That affiliation lasted for 14 years. I wasn't kidnapped or brainwashed or anything like that. I joined because at the time I was convinced it was the right thing to do, that the world would be better because of what I was doing. I believed it was important. It culminated in a mass wedding at Madison Square Garden on June 1, 1982. The New York Times carried it on the front page the next day. (We divorced five years later. No kids.)

My journal eventually covered three volumes, written longhand in whatever moments I was able to steal away. I didn't know what would ultimately prove important for posterity, so I tried to record everything that seemed significant. As a result, I captured a lot of the prosaic, mundane details of living an existence I never could have foreseen for myself and certainly would not have chosen had I known what I was getting into. Nonetheless, once I was in and committed, I was determined to see it through. I refused to quit.

The saga as I recorded it begins in the archive at the left (Alpha and Omega) with the post titled "Ribbon Falls." It ends five years later with "Epilogue."

The journal is 162 entries, covering a period from July 1975 to October 1980. If you want to know my story and what it's like to be in a cult 24/7/365, this is it. The straight dope. I didn't make anything up. Some entries are short, some are long, but they tell a story that is divided into three parts:

The Beginning (Alpha) covers the period from July 1975 to December 1977. If it seems tedious at times, well... that's the way it was. It was a grueling existence in which the days and weeks and months blurred together. Keep reading. The shit is about to hit the fan.

The Middle begins in December 1977. Something bad happened that became a full-blown psychotic nightmare that eventually led to a nervous breakdown. It was horrible and I wanted to die. Somehow I kept going.

The End (Omega) begins in January 1980. This is the best part, but to understand it you have to read what comes before. It's all connected.

My primary motivation for doing this now is because I'm still lucid enough to remember the highlights and low points and appreciate what this experience meant in the bigger scheme of things. And someday my kids might too.

But more importantly, I felt I needed to explain to my family what happened to me back then. They never really got the whole store.

I have photos and other mementos, but the journal can carry its own weight. The words paint a picture. I did some things I'm embarrassed about and certainly not proud of, but I felt it was important to present the whole truth. So be it.

Glenn Emery
Stone Mountain, Georgia
March 20, 2009

P.S. Rune Rofke is the ancient Indian name for Stone Mountain. 

Ribbon Falls

July 9, 1975

I had to get the pen warmed in the fire before it would write. Imoe and Jason left today for San Francisco. Now we are five.

Joel is the "leader" of our small band. He is the most extroverted, picking up people everywhere. In fact, it was he who first said something about my tie-dye shirt in the supermarket in Flagstaff.

Right now we are all sitting around the fire outside the Grand Canyon under the stars. It has been a most magic day. After climbing the canyon yesterday, it was a real treat to hang out in the woods and trip for the day. Went over to the canyon earlier around sunset. Spent most of the day tripping on top of a mountain.

Jerry is singing with his guitar. Another Deadhead. Had a fine mellow trip up the mountain with him and Karola. She is the finest woman I have ever seen. She's German and we do not communicate verbally as much as I would like, but that is another indulgence. My apologies to both pen and paper. These words come hard.

Dave from England we picked up in Montrose, Colorado, not a hundred yards from where we picked up Karola. Never had rain until that day. Imoe and I both picked up on the fact that we had just picked up two foreigners so close together. We whispered to ourselves that they might be allies. Karola was going to Durango, Dave to Tucson. Both of them came to Flagstaff with us.

Met Joel and Jerry in El Rancho supermarket and they came out with us to the commune where we spent our first night together in an open field in the valley. The San Francisco peaks rose in the near distance. And to see those same peaks across the canyon is indescribable.

We met Bill in Ribbon Falls at the bottom of the canyon. We ate some peyote, but not enough to get off and just enough to get sick. I got sick right away (of course), but Karola and Jerry felt nauseous most of the day.

We went to the falls early in the morning. Karola and I had the place to ourselves for about an hour before the others finally decided to walk the extra ten yards to see a ribbon of water fallout out of a corkscrew-shaped trough, splashing on a huge rock covered with a brilliant green moss. Her slender body under the shower is not a sight I will soon forget. Such total beauty.

Had some terrific sights most of the morning from some rocks at the end of the overhang that looked fairly far out into the canyon. Had a very incredible experience with Dave. I sat on a small ledge under the overhang and he sat on a ledge I could not say how far away. I could not distinguish his features. We both sat in a lotus, staring at each other. The canyon swirled and revolved around us in a psychedelic way.

That night, Mike the park ranger at Cottonwood told me about a Cheyenne medicine man named Roaring Thunder. I think I'm heading to Nevada. 

Zion

July 10, 1975

First day in Utah.

I'm 21 years, 6 months old. I left Dover on January 2, arrived in Atlanta 13 hours later with my backpack and went straight to the 28th floor of the Equitable Building, where Gayle worked. I probably looked pretty rough. Found a job at Pack's hauling trailers the next Monday. Met Imoe in March.

Quit my job, sold my car, gave away a load of stuff (still have too much) and went west, where I am now in Zion National Park. Karola is gone to town with Bill. Joel is gone. Only Jerry and me. I'm thinking about becoming a man of knowledge.

No luck today locating Roaring Thunder. No Cheyenne in Nevada. All in Montana. Everyone says so, so I will probably stay with the bus through Colorado. Should be cool. Also the place where Karola appeared. Maybe disappear, but I hope not.

Today she asked me if she could go with me to find Roaring Thunder, and of course I thought it was far out. She was weird last night. Said something about because of our language barrier we could only "connection" sexually. But I don't know what she meant. I would really like to be with her. 

Karola

July 13, 1975
Navajo Lake, Utah

Spent the day poaching fish. Managed to get a few small ones from the shore. Met another Bill and his chick, Laurel, tonight. He'd been laid off since February, just been hacking around on his unemployment, went to Zion NP before coming here.

It's OK here, not as majestic as the Grand Canyon, but very intriguing place with outlandish rock formations, one of which reminded me of Hobbiton. Stopped at this one canyon just before a tunnel where we spent a couple hours. Just as we're ready to leave, Karola appears at the top of the hill. So we have to wait for her. We spend a lot of time waiting for her. But it is her nature. Joel thinks it's because she's European.

Went to Pipe Springs on our way up here. Dude gave us a little tour of the archeological digs they have going on the Paiute Indian Reservation. Not very impressive really, but some pretty stones laying around. Had lunch in the snack bar there, where the lady didn't seem to like us so well. Had to wait a long time for a taco, and we had to wait for Karola.

They actually had a buffalo chip on display. Too freakin' much.

Would really like to get back to the canyon, but first am going to Montana to seek out Roaring Thunder, if that's possible. 

Turning Point

July 14, 1975

Went into Cedar City today, where Bill got a temporary cap on his tooth. Also did a trip to the health food store. Found out where Joel's priorities are, when he spent $20 for a stainless-steel frying pan because it's better than aluminum, which may be true, but that's an ounce of dope.

I'm trading packs with Jerry, who has a Gerry pack. Should be OK.

Also went to Cedar Breaks today. The ranger there was named Theron Twogood, if you can believe it, and he was really into the place. Very weird and strange place. Change is much more drastic than the Grand Canyon. Also much higher; equivalent to Arctic zone. These layers presumably were once part of the canyon too, but were eroded completely away.

Plan on moving on to Bryce Canyon tomorrow with the intention of tripping once we get there.

Kept running into Bill and Laurel today, first downtown and again at Cedar Breaks. They hiked with us. Be glad to leave here. Too cold at night, probably because I haven't been sleeping with any clothes on. And the ever-present Yebache.

Smoked the last of the dope tonight. Joel said something about this being some sort of turning point. 

The Cosmic 102

July 16, 1975

Ran into an old school bus full of hippies from New York yesterday at the grocery store (where else?) and we camped with them. Their act was not like ours in that they were into driving their bus and partying. But we had a cool time singing around the campfire. Got a little hassle from the ranger for making noise after 10, but we played on until Bill, who owns the bus, and his lady, George, came back from the canyon, where they had been tripping and generally spacing out.

Bill then told us about his adventure of being busted for murder in Kansas, which with the way he told it, was hysterical.

We crashed late, but before that Karola and I walked to the cliff and talked a long time, mostly about how she was confused about who she was. I told her that you cannot find yourself until you stop looking. She seemed to understand but did not agree, which I doubt I would have at 18 either.

The guys on the bus say they are transvestites, which I can only think of as typically NY. Jeff is a medical analyst, and his lady, Debbie, is really quite nice and it was really curious how Karola asked about her when we went for our walk.

Patty with the big tits locked Jeff's keys to his car in the trunk. It took about two hours to rescue them, which included taking out the back seat and a couple of visits by the rangers. But it was cool. Patty was fairly bummed out about it and seemed to be taking it out on Cliff, who played guitar for us last night -- very well I might add.

Bill was very sick and pale yesterday, actually ever since he got the temporary cap for a filling. But we found a dentist in town, who incidentally did it for nothing and gave him some pills. He seemed much improved today.

The school bus was called The Cosmic 102, which took us up to the lodge, where we hiked into Bryce. Bill, Patty, Cliff, Wally, Tom, George and Penny then left on the bus to the Grand Canyon. Jeff and Debbie will follow later in their car.

Joel split today for a couple nights by himself. Saw him at the bottom of Queen's Garden Trail with three chicks. It will probably do him a lot of good.

Wally found a dead girl in a stream when he was tripping last week. Those folks on the bus go through some heavy scenes. But I suppose it's because they trip so much.

Jeff and Debbie are going to book now, so I suspect we will crash before long. 

Fairyland

July 21, 1975

Tonight we are at Black Canyon of the Gunnison in Colorado. We spent last night in Hotchkiss at the fairgrounds, copped showers at the Rainbow Hotel for 50 cents. Dude, Robert, ran the hotel and a crafts store next door. Pretty funky town.

While we were waiting to take showers, Robbie, Linda and Michelle drove by. They were the ladies from LA that Joel met when he split by himself at Bryce. It was because of them that we drove through to Hotchkiss, stopped in town at the local bar and asked a freak named Larry if he knew where Ed Eberly lived, which is the name of the guy that Robbie said they were going to stay with.

Turns out Ed had a small farm school up in the hills outside of town and he was getting a new crew in that night so it would not have been cool for us to stay there.

So we were hanging out on the corner across from the hotel, waiting our turns to take showers. Joel was first. I was last. Then the chicks from LA drove by in their white VW and Jerry flagged them down just as Joel came out of the shower. They also had dope.

We hung out in Jerry's truck, an old Dodge van with a slant six engine, at the fairgrounds, smoking dope, listening to the Grateful Dead. It suddenly dawned on me that we had gotten what we had asked for at Navajo Lake, which was a van with three chicks, and although it wasn't a van, the important thing was that there were three chicks.

What happens now is difficult to say, because Joel and Robbie were making a lot of sparks last night, although it seemed a bit cooler to me today. But I really don't know anything.

Karola did score some dope for us from a chick named Gini in Paoma, where we went to the health food store and to meet up again with the LA chicks, which we did eventually, except for Michelle, who didn't come.

Gini took us to a place called Big Bear Ranch outside of Somerset. There was a guy swimming naked in the river. Joel, Robbie, Linda and Karola went swimming too. He didn't have anything but homegrown, for which we paid $10, but it got us high.

Camped in the San Juan Forest the night before just outside of Mancos. Took Bill to the clinic/hospital in Durango and the doctor said he had a gastrointestinal virus, which is better than an ulcer, I guess.

I took a Demerol for my tongue, which has been on fire since Bryce. At first I thought it was chapped, but now I think I have a cold that I don't really feel because of the dry climate.

The day after Joel left us at Bryce, which is to say the following morning of the night we met the hippies from NY with the three-legged dog, they had tried to cop showers for 50 cents but only got cold water, so they busted open one of the coin boxes and got $3, which means they probably about broke even. But they had to split quickly. Jeff and Debbie split a couple hours, all bound for Winslow.

The ranger came around and told us we couldn't camp where we were because it was a pull-through for a trailer. So we had to move camp. Meanwhile, I had gone to get Bill and the laundry. While I was taking Bill and the laundry to the laundromat, we saw Joel, Robbie, Linda and Michelle getting hassled for gathering firewood.

Then we ran into three chicks in a Dodge van from LA who had the keys locked in the van by seven-year-old Hannah. I ended up forcibly pushing in the window vent. In return, they turned Bill and me on to some Thai stick weed that Patterson from Delta Place in Atlanta had told me about but that I had never tried.

It was quite good. In fact, when we got back and Jerry tried to explain the situation with the campsite, I felt very confident about being able to handle this trivial hassle. But when I tried to pay the ranger for the site, she wouldn't let us register, so we ended up moving.

We didn't get to drop acid until 3:30, after we had moved camp. Then we went for a hike into Fairyland Canyon, but Bill dropped out before we even got to the trail. So it was me, Jerry and Karola. We put that place to a test, and it showed us something, because when we were at the bottom in the midst of these incredible shapes, we couldn't feel the acid, although we knew that we were supposed to be tripping. In a different place, we probably would have felt it more, but in the canyon the LSD was so obvious, so set apart from the rest.

It was also incredibly dry, which reminded me of the Arctic without snow, and although it was hot, the hottest part of the day was past and we were actually down there at the best time of the day. We didn't see another person the whole time we were there, nor really much of anything in the way of wildlife. It's just too dry, I guess. Also too hot during the day.

It was just getting dark when we got to the lodge and copped some free showers before going back to our campsite, where Bill threw a match on the firewood just as we walked up.

Joel found us the next morning and we went back down to Arizona to the Navajo National Monument, where we saw some more ruins, but Montezuma's Castle had been enough that day, the first full day we had spent together since Flagstaff. We split the next day for Colorado on our way to Yellowstone. We stayed at Glen Canyon/Lake Powell, where we went swimming. The water was fantastic.

We got a flat tire on the way to Navajo National Monument, bought a new tire, and I got a speeding ticking while we were still in Arizona. We stopped at Four Corners Monument -- Arizona, New Mexico, Utah and Colorado -- which was kind of a silly tourist hype, but I did score an Indian bead necklace. That night we camped in the San Juan.

This morning Karola lost her silver and turquoise necklace that she bought at Four Corners, but we went back to the fairgrounds and Joel miraculously found it in the gravel parking lot. She gave it to me.

After we arrived at Black Canyon, she didn't feel well. So I gave her the bead necklace I had bought, telling her it was supposed to make her well. She said she felt better soon after.

Last night, after making love (getting better all the time), she said I was magic, which is the same thing Imoe used to say. Today Joel told me he thought that beneath my mellow external person there was some dynamic force or power of some kind. Then Karola, Jerry, Joel, Linda and I went over to the canyon, which really was quite impressive. But I doubt we will go down into it this trip.

On our way to NNM, we stopped in Kunab, Utah, for lunch and found out that in August they will be making a movie there and there should be plenty of work. I may consider it. Also, a lot of trucking around Page, Arizona, but first I have to get that ticket squared away, and then with any luck I may get to Germany. Ought to call Frank or Mark or Jim to find out if they're still going to Spain.

Let it flow. 

10D3

July 26, 1975

Trout Tripping in America -- a testimonial.

We somehow managed to find Utopia (again) in the Wyoming wilderness (sometimes known as Yellowstone Park to the tourist). It took a 3-4 mile hike to a beautiful spot by the Firehole Creek, which was teeming with trout and a pool with a waterfall.

Did a whole hit of Windowpane. Had only done half hits before at the Grand Canyon and Bryce, but it wasn't really much different. Oh, it got a little heavy in my head for a little while, but that soon passed and I really had a most memorable, memorable trip. Let me tell you about it.

I woke up early this morning, about 2-3 hours before the rest. Walked up above the falls and immediately caught two beauts, which I had for breakfast. Karola was up by this time, but she didn't stick around long enough to eat any. Pity. Her English is getting better, but I have to remember to fill her in on what's happening sometimes.

Jerry and Linda and Michelle got up soon after and we dropped acid around noon. I spent the first couple hours walking upstream. Found some beautiful trout sunning themselves, asked a toad how to beat the mosquitoes, but his advice was to not exist (ignore them). Typical of a toad.

Also found a cow skull, which made me think of "Grendel." Such a far out book. Maybe Grendel is a bear.

I finally came back. Took a dive/swim and it was so eye-opening I can't describe. Then I spaced out on the falls. There were two logs bridging the upper and lower streams with some branches sticking under the falls. They looked like the words, "to fly." Concentrating on those, the moss on the surrounding rocks stood out in a psychedelic green and the falls turned to alternating waves of green and red.

Later I took a look downstream. It turns into a canyon. I spaced out on a purple daisy, which was so intensely beautiful, so three-dimensional. And what colors! Purple and yellow pulsating in a kaleidoscopic way.

The relentless mosquitoes drove me back to the falls, but this was not much relief, for they all seem to come out around 5 o'clock. Karola took the worst of it, I think. So intelligent yet so naive. I ought to fill her in more often. Everyone took refuge in the tents, but I decided the time had come to do some serious fishing. It was not easy, since I had broken the rod earlier in the day. Inferior wood. Need a good fiberglass.

I finally rigged it together, caught a few symbolic fingerlings downstream from the falls, and then I headed off upstream to where I had met the toad this morning. I tried fishing along the way, but no luck. I finally figured out that I should go upstream as far as I was going to go and fish on the way back.

Immediately I landed two beauties and lost a third. Caught eight all told on the way back, which were enjoyed by everyone.

The campsite was 10D3. We had a lot of hassles getting here. We left Black Canyon of the Gunnison with eight people: Me, Karola, Jerry, Joel, Robbie with big tits, Linda with the Colombian, Michelle, who is near deaf, and Bill. But we left Bill off en route to the Tetons. I was driving. When we left him off at I-80 in Wyoming, were weren't in the state five minutes before we saw a rainbow from end to end.

I was really up for trucking on through the night to the Tetons, but we ended up stopping and sleeping in some hellacious spot filled with sagebrush by the side of the road because of Joel and Robbie. They insisted we stop so they could go at it.

We got a good start the next morning, but not good enough because by the time we got to Yellowstone, there were no campsites. So we went to Old Faithful. Karola and I took a little hike of the place, but Joel was pissed because we were gone so long. I think it served him right for holding us up the night before. I was so bummed out that we had stopped that I could only get drunk on the way to Jackson Hole.

Rich and Colleen from Connecticut joined us that night. We found a camping spot in the national forest in Montana. The next day Rich and Colleen split for work in the park.

We did drive up to see the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone, which was pretty nice, comparable to Black Canyon in depth, but quite colorful. I drove back, but I didn't watch the signs and ended up going the long way back to camp.

The next day we finally got it together to backpack for a couple days. We arrived at 10D3 just at dark on the first day.

But lord was it worth it.